WELCOME to TUESDAY OCTOBER 5, 2021
Women & Men…..
A Woman’s Revenge
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this
was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
A Man’s Perspective
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling
hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
Marriage Seminar
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened
as the instructor explained, “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”
Wife vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led
to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife that explained that women use 30,000 words a day compared to a man’s use of 15,000 words.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.”
The husband then turned to his wife and said, “What?”
Creation
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, “Allow me to explain: God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”
Who Does What
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said,
“You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
The wife replied, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
With that the husband balked, saying, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
The wife then fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….”HEBREWS”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“I read that white giraffes were just caught on video for the first time ever.
Researchers knew that they were white, cuz they were drinking pumpkin spice lattes.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The Italian restaurant chain ‘Villa Italian Kitchen’ is adding a new pumpkin spice
pizza to its menu. And if you like that, you’re gonna love Starbucks’ new Linguini Mocha.” -Seth Meyers
“More people have died taking selfies than have been killed by sharks. My policy is, you should treat
selfies like you treat drinking. Try not to do it alone, definitely don’t do it while you’re driving, and if
you take more than two or three a day, you should probably seek help.” -James Corden
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.
“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish,
but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone
who is fluent in this specific language. See?” He said he did and thanked me.
The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?” 😳
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Don’t do this to me, it’s humiliating.”
“For seventy grand, Herb, you can afford to be humiliated.”
Answer: Quiz Show!
In this scene quiz show contestant Herb Stempel (John Turturro) learns from NBC television executive Dan Enright (David Paymer) that his reign is over after winning $70,000 and he must fake losing to Charles Van Doren (Ralph Fiennes). To make matters worse, it’s a question Stempel actually knows (Best Picture in the 1956 Academy Awards). Stempel says the first line and the producer replies with the second. In the 1995 Academy Awards, “Quiz Show” was nominated for four awards, including Best Picture, but didn’t win any. Best Picture that year went to “Forrest Gump.” This movie is based on a true story involving the show “Twenty One” on NBC television in the late 1950s. This incident had a chilling effect on television game shows for many years.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I like the way you put things together, Omlet. You’re alright with me.”
“Ahmet.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
Two definitions for two different words will be given. These words will differ only by their vowels.
To change a word, both adding a vowel and changing a vowel is allowed, as long as the consonants
are the same and in the same order. For example, bust to beast can be an answer.
- A sticky product of trees to a type of dried fruit
- A black bird to a chasm
- Round object to a fee
- Part of the body below the leg to a great achievement
Answer: 1. Resin to raisin
- Raven to ravine
- Ball to bill
- Foot to feat
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Camp Pineveiw’s cook, Margaret Johnson, was just about to begin preparing the picnic lunch for all the campers. She already knew she needed to fill 55 bowls of the same size and capacity with the same amount of food. When she was done, she decided to read the guidelines for the picnic, just out of curiosity. The guidelines said:
- Every camper gets their own bowl of soup.
- Every two campers will get one bowl of spaghetti to share.
- Every three campers will get one bowl of salad to share.
- All campers are required to have their own helping of salad, spaghetti, and soup.
After some rapid calculations, Margaret was able to figure out how many campers were going to the picnic. Can you?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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The World According to the Eucman! 