WELCOME to THURSDAY OCTOBER 7, 2021
Here’s The Story….
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught
himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his rear end was cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’
Patton said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’
‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“In Washington, D.C., yesterday, vandals spray-painted graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial.
Historians are calling it the second worst thing to ever happen to Abraham Lincoln.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new report says that San Francisco is the most expensive city for single people in the U.S.,
due to the cost of gym memberships, date nights, and clothing. So if you don’t mind being
overweight, alone and naked, San Francisco is actually quite affordable.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A 24-year-old woman who was caught attempting to smuggle $20 million worth of cocaine out
of South America said she only did it to get ‘likes’ on her Instagram travel photos. According
to the girl’s attorney, she’s going to plead YOLO.” -James Corden
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
“How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous – of course I have never taken alcohol myself”
“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”
“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?”
“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will know”
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.
“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “… and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”
“Oh Lord!” exclaims the barman. “It’s not that drunk Nun again is it?” 😳
Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“How did he do that?”
“My father made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”
Answer: The Godfather!
This scene takes place during the wedding of Godfather Vito Corleone’s daughter, Connie (Talia Shire), to gangster Carlo Rizzi (Gianni Russo). In this scene Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) is talking to his girlfriend, Kay Adams (Diane Keaton) at the reception and tells her the story about how his father (Marlon Brando) got wedding singer Johnny Fontane (Al Martino) excused from his personal services contract. Kay asks the question in line one and Michael answers in line two. Then he adds this explanation, “Luca Brasi held a gun to his head and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract. That’s a true story. That’s my family, Kay, it’s not me.” “The Godfather” won three Oscars in the 1973 Academy Awards, including Best Picture and Marlon Brando for Best Actor in a Leading Role. Al Pacino, James Caan, and Robert Duvall were all nominated for Best Actor in a Supporting Role, but didn’t win. “The Godfather” follows the lives of a fictional American crime family, but many of the characters and incidents in this fictional story are loosely based on people and incidents in real life. The cat held by Marlon Brando in the opening scene of “The Godfather” is a stray the actor found while on the lot at Paramount, and was not originally called for in the script.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Beg your pardon sire, but won’t we hit our own troops?”
“Yes… but we’ll hit theirs as well. We have reserves.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Crazy Billy Bob has become unhappy with the small town he lives in and has decided that he wants to move, but isn’t sure where he wants to move to. Thus, begins his crazy and weird journey as he visits different places. Since Crazy Billy Bob is somewhat crazy, he may get lost along the way. Can you figure out what U.S. States he visited by the clues listed below?
- Male Lion’s neck hair
- Recent + Deli Meat + 16th Letter of Alphabet + Former Administrative District of Britain
- Rhymes With Germ + Your Mother’s Sister’s Relationship to You
- Unified Body of Matter + Sneeze + Put Down
- Lane + What Mass Surrounded by Water is Called
- Fasten Together + Me + Separate Into Parts
- Recent + Former Ruling House of England
- Recent + A Close-Fitting Pullover Shirt, Jacket, or Sweater
- Cylindrical Writing Implement + Futile + Knee + Uh
- Brand of Computer + First Letter of Alphabet + What You do With Clothing
Answer: Crazy Billy Bob went to:
- Mane (Maine)
- New Ham P Shire (New Hampshire)
- Verm Aunt (Vermont)
- Mass “Achoo” Sets (Massachusetts)
- Road Island (Rhode Island)
- Connect I Cut (Connecticut)
- New York (New York)
- New Jersey (New Jersey)
- Pencil Vain Eeea (Pennsylvania)
- Dell A Wear (Delaware)
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
H I J K L M N O
What object does this represent?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.