Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Here’s The Story…
After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb. ‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’
‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’
‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning..
‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’ moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 kph.
‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.
‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’
‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ‘ A senator?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’
Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’
Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard
that, new moms were like, ‘You wanna say that to my face?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Some historians now believe that Jesus Christ had a wife. They also believe that Jesus’
nephew called Jesus’ wife the “Auntie Christ.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Fast-food chain Arby’s is serving a limited-edition Cookie Butter Milkshake. And any
customers who order it will also be limited-edition.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time. When a frantic mother
phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was
taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere.
So we asked, “How are you taking it?”
Her reply, “Oh, I’m holding up pretty well!” 😳

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re not a cook.”
“Yeah, well… I also cook.”

Answer: Under Siege!
In the events leading up to this scene, the battleship USS Missouri is about to be decommissioned and the ship’s crew is about to celebrate the birthday of Captain Adams (Patrick O’Neal). They’ve hired a band led by William Strannix (Tommy Lee Jones) to be brought aboard, along with former Playboy playmate Jordan Tate (Erika Eleniak), who is to jump out of a cake and dance. However, Strannix is really a terrorist who plans to take over the ship and then sell the Tomahawk missiles on board. After the takeover starts Tate meets ship cook Casey Ryback (Steven Seagal), who is a former Navy SEAL. She asks, “So who are you? Are you, like, some special forces guy or something?” Ryback replies, “Nah. I’m just a cook.” In this scene Tate watches Ryback complete a radio communication to command headquarters in Hawaii via satellite using a small, portable dish antenna. After watching him Tate says the first line and Ryback replies with the second. In the 1993 Academy Awards “Under Siege” was nominated for two awards but didn’t win either. This first-rate thriller is one of my favorites.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Play it once, Sam. For old times’ sake.”
“I don’t know what you mean, Miss Ilsa.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
I’m called a man,
But I’ll never have a wife.
I was given a body,
But not given life.
They made me a mouth,
But I wasn’t given breath.
Water gives body,
And sun gives me death.
What am I?
Answer: A snowman.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
The following limerick has had the last word of each line scrambled. Can you figure it out?

In a snowstorm the plow wasn’t TWIFS,
So Jim was decidedly FIDFEM;
His street really ENDEDE
The plow, so he DAPELED,
But the driver did not get his FIDTR.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
​​​ ​​​​​​​​​​​


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s