Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 13, 2021

Things I’ve Learned from my Children.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy, who is wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. **It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows {even double pane} doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke… lots of it.

A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says it only happens in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

PlayDoh and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in Austin has a 5-minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats

dizzy! Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

The average dog is a nicer person
than the average person.
Andy Rooney

Have you noticed that all the people
in favor of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill

As a child my family’s menu consisted
of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb
cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
Dave Barry

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
His request approved; the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.’
‘Why?’ asked the pilot.
‘Because I’m a photographer for CNN’ , he responded, ‘and I need to get some close up shots.’
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is . . .. You’re NOT my flight instructor?’ 😳

Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Play it once, Sam. For old times’ sake.”
“I don’t know what you mean, Miss Ilsa.”

Answer: Casablanca!
In this scene Ilsa Laszlo (Ingrid Bergman) is in Rick’s Cafe American nightclub, in Casablanca, and asks the piano player Sam (Dooley Wilson) with the first line to play a song that has a special meaning for her and Rick (Humphrey Bogart). Sam pretends to not know what she is talking about and replies with the second line. Rick rushes up and says, “Sam, I thought I told you never to play…” but then sees Ilsa and stops mid-sentence. She had failed to keep a rendezvous with him years before in Paris. “Casablanca” won three Oscars in the 1944 Academy Awards, including Best Picture. Humphrey Bogart was nominated for Best Actor in a Leading Role but didn’t win the Oscar.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“There’s no smoking in this building.”
“What are you gonna do? Charge me with smoking?

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
The following limerick has had the last word of each line scrambled. Can you figure it out?

In a snowstorm the plow wasn’t TWIFS,
So Jim was decidedly FIDFEM;
His street really ENDEDE
The plow, so he DAPELED,
But the driver did not get his FIDTR.

Answer: In a snowstorm the plow wasn’t SWIFT,
So Jim was decidedly MIFFED;
His street really NEEDED
The plow, so he PLEADED,
But the driver did not get his DRIFT.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
I’m full of keys whenever I’m made
I came about wooden when the Renaissance played

Hundreds of years later, I was divided
And two new keys to me were provided

Then in 1760, and that’s forty years later
Three keys were added by Florio, Gedney, and Potter

Around the 80’s of the century mentioned
I was used by Mozart and Haydn

Over the years, new keys were gained
In the 1830’s, Beethoven used me to entertain

Near the end of the 1800’s, or the 19th century
I was used by Brahms, Strauss, and Tchaikovsky

Now, modern renditions are made of me
Without my holes, I wouldn’t be

What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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