WELCOME to THURSDAY OCTOBER 14, 2021
Parent Job Description…..
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way before, I don’t believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
**JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call..
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case,
this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects..
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next..
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery-operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility..
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do… or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.*
** AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Germany has just rolled out a new law banning hate speech. The law is tricky to implement
because everything sounds like hate speech when it’s spoken in German.” -Conan O’Brien
“Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it’s
great for people who like watching sports completely still. ‘Wow! What a catch – nobody move!
Oh, now we’re watching Lifetime.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A new study has determined that people in relationships can detect infidelity in their partner’s
voice. Especially when their voice says, ‘You’re home early!'” -Seth Meyers
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last week we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’ The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that
flower you give to someone you love? You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’ ‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘That’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose,
what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’ 😳
Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“There’s no smoking in this building.”
“What are you gonna do? Charge me with smoking?
Answer: Basic Instinct
In the events leading up to this scene, San Francisco nightclub owner Johnny Boz is found brutally murdered with an ice pick. Prime suspect, sultry novel writer Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone), is brought in to the police station for questioning by Detective Nick Curran (Michael Douglas) and John Correli (Wayne Knight). When Tramell starts to light a cigarette, Correli says the first line and Tramell replies with the second. In the 1993 Academy Awards, “Basic Instinct” was nominated for two awards but didn’t win either. The role of Catherine Tramell was turned down by Kim Basinger, Emma Thompson, Michelle Pfeiffer, Greta Scacchi, Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Paulie, it’s Thanksgiving. I got a turkey in the oven.”
“Oh… a turkey in the oven.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
I’m full of keys whenever I’m made
I came about wooden when the Renaissance played
Hundreds of years later, I was divided
And two new keys to me were provided
Then in 1760, and that’s forty years later
Three keys were added by Florio, Gedney, and Potter
Around the 80’s of the century mentioned
I was used by Mozart and Haydn
Over the years, new keys were gained
In the 1830’s, Beethoven used me to entertain
Near the end of the 1800’s, or the 19th century
I was used by Brahms, Strauss, and Tchaikovsky
Now, modern renditions are made of me
Without my holes, I wouldn’t be
What am I?
Answer: The Flute!
The keys are the sounds made.
Flutes were wooden in the Renaissance era.
Then in 1720, the middle joint was divided in two, and in turn, two new keys were added.
Forty years later, in 1760, three new keys were added.
In the 1780’s (the century mentioned), Mozart and Haydn used the flute in their symphonies.
1782 through 1827, keys were added.
In the 1830’s, Beethoven used the flute in his symphonies.
At the end of the 19th century, the flute appeared in the orchestral pieces of Brahms, Strauss, and Tchaikovsky.
Now, flutes are made from metal, wood, and plastic.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Each pair of definitions is for two words, where the second word is the first word with an extra letter added
somewhere (example: band & brand). The length of the short word in each pair is provided.
1) low in fuel content & to gain knowledge (4 letters)
2) a small vessel for liquids & essential (4 letters)
3) a low or open slipper & malicious gossip (6 letters)
4) a mark used to indicate the place where something is to be inserted & a floor covering (5 letters)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.