WELCOME to FRIDAY OCTOBER 29, 2021
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I am in shape. Round’s a shape…
I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when
you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone
going faster than you is a maniac?
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she
was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where she is.
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter
how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental
illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it’s you.
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve
got a t-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should
get rid of the body before you do the wash.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful
animal. I think my mother is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her.
Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the James Carter Library; the Ronald
Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like the passengers in his car.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
Inside every older person is a younger person —
wondering what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
The hardest years in life are those
between ten and seventy.
Helen Hayes (at 73)
Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs.
I think of them as stray eyebrows.
I think the reward for conformity is
everyone likes you but yourself
Rita Mae Brown
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, ‘I hate to ruin your day,
but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.’
‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.
‘We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,’ the father says.
‘We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.’
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. ‘Like heck they’re getting divorced,’ she shouts, ‘I’ll take care of this!’ She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, ‘You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?’ and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. ‘Okay,’ he says, ‘they’re coming for Christmas and they’re paying their own way.
Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Be happy in your work.”
Answer: “Bridge on the River Kwai”
Sessue Hayakawa, in the role of Colonel Saito, makes this remark to the group of prisoners-of-war while they are working like slaves to build a bridge. Hayakawa was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his work in the film but did not win. In addition to being an ordained Zen monk, Hayakawa starred in over 80 movies. He was also a producer, author, and a martial artist. Hayakawa was signed with Paramount early in his career. His contract with Paramount expired in May 1918, but the studio asked him to star in “The Sheik”. Hayakawa turned down the role to start his own production company. The role went to an unknown actor named Rudolph Valentino and propelled him to stardom overnight
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“And just where, my dear Pluskat, are these ships heading?”
“Straight for me!”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
The following clues refer to the names of several young women, in the form of Miss Suchandsuch.
These names then actually form a new word (although there will be a spelling difference with one s missing)
For example, “This young woman obeys all the rules” would be misbehave (Miss Behave)
Can you figure out the rest of the words?
- This young woman is in great shape.
- This young woman is very generous at Christmas.
- This young woman showed me where to go.
- You could tell this young woman all your secrets.
- This young woman knew exactly what I meant.
- This young woman is exactly the right choice.
- This young woman could lead the orchestra.
Answer: 1. Misfit
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
What is this word?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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