Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Women & Men….

A Woman’s Revenge

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the evilest thing I could do to him legally.”

A Man’s Perspective
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Marriage Seminar
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened as
the instructor explained, “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”

Wife vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had
led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

A husband read an article to his wife that explained that women use 30,000 words a day compared
to a man’s use of 15,000 words. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.”
The husband then turned to his wife and said,”What?”

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, “Allow me to explain: God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”

Who Does What
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said,
“You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
The wife replied, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
With that the husband balked, saying, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
The wife then fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says……….”HEBREWS”

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly,
the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”
He then left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to confront his wife to see why she hadn’t wakened him, when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper read, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.” 😳

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I heard that people in Hawaii are stealing cans of Spam and reselling them. So if you think
you’re having a rough day, imagine being the guy waiting on the corner for his Spam dealer.
“Come on, where is this guy?”‘ -Jimmy Fallon

“Red Lobster announced today that it will start delivering its food in New York City through a
partnership with Grubhub. Because if there’s one thing that will make discount seafood even
better, it’s 20 minutes on the back of a bike. Just think, that shrimp is going down 8th
Avenue as we speak.” -Seth Meyers

“According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as those that aren’t
spanked to get into fights and destroy things – which is probably why they get
spanked in the first place.” -Jimmy Kimmel

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from
the town registers. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized
profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.” 😁

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I just bought these shoes.”
“Shut up, Cosmo.”

Answer: The Fugitive
This 1993 movie is an expanded version of the 1963-1967 American TV series of the same name starring David Janssen as Dr. Richard Kimble (Harrison Ford’s role in the movie). The story follows Dr. Kimble, a successful Chicago surgeon, who arrives home one evening to find his wife brutally attacked and dying and a one-armed man fleeing the scene. Kimble is wrongfully convicted of her murder and is on his way to jail when his bus is struck by a train (a great scene). He escapes to a nearby hospital where he treats his own wounds, dresses in a doctor’s smock and steals an ambulance. He is chased by helicopters and patrol cars and is seemingly trapped in a tunnel in a dam, but escapes through the dam’s wastewater tunnels. In this scene Deputy Marshal Cosmo Renfro (Joe Pantoliano) has to wade through ankle-deep water in new shoes and disgustedly says line one. Marshal Samuel Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones), intent on capturing Kimble, replies with line two. In the 1994 Academy Awards Tommy Lee Jones won the Oscar for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. “The Fugitive” also was nominated for Best Picture but lost to “Schindler’s List.” In the train crash scene a real train was actually crashed. There was only one chance to film this scene, but after extensive planning the scene went exactly as planned. The engine used was not destroyed.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“What happened to the warriors at Thermopylae?”
“Dead to the last man.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​

Answer: Long time no see. 😁

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Beginning with the word “in,” add one letter from the given pool to create a new word until you get a
seven-letter word meaning “being in a state of suppressed agitation, worry, or resentment.”

Pool: T G E S W

1) IN

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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