WELCOME to WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 10, 2021
Take a little time to smile…
In a Podiatrist’s Office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist’s door:
“To expedite your visit, please back in. “
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
On a Church’s Bill board:
“7 days without God makes one weak.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
At a Towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
In a Nonsmoking Area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
On a Fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”
At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
Outside a Muffler Shop:
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
At the Electric Company
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don’t, you will be.”
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
” Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
At a Propane Filling Station:
“Thank heaven for little grills.”
And don’t forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises “
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”
—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club
Usher: “Bride or groom?”
Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”
—Four Weddings and a Funeral
Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.”
Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”
—Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person.
Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
—Jerry Seinfeld
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
To be sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things”….
Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Mommy’s very angry.”
“This is not hunting behavior, Ian. They’re searching.
Answer: The Lost World: Jurassic Park!
This movie picks up four years after the disaster at Jurassic Park on Isla Nublar. Entrepreneur John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) reveals to Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) that there was another island (“Site B”) on which dinosaurs were bred before being transported to Isla Nublar. Hammond assembles a team to visit and document the area before it is exploited by others. Included in the four-person team are Dr. Malcolm and his girlfriend, Dr. Sarah Harding (Julianne Moore). In this scene a baby Tyrannosaurus Rex dinosaur with a broken leg has been carried back to the team’s trailer so they can set it. Dr. Malcolm hears the adult T-Rexes bellow and says line one. Dr. Harding listens and responds with line two. In the 1998 Academy Awards “The Lost World: Jurassic Park” was nominated for Best Visual Effects but was beaten out by “Titanic.” This movie held the record for the biggest opening weekend ever for four and a half years, from May 1997 to November 2001 ($92 million).
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Seven weeks sailing, and he happens in darkness on our exact position.”
“Hmm. Well, the French have their spies in England and elsewhere. As do we.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Can you decipher this?
DDDDDDDDDD
DDDWESTDDD
DDDDDDDDDD
Answer: West Indies
(West in D’s)
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.
Group A
- Optic
- Civet
- Toner
- Rosin
- Lease
Group B
- Painter’s stand
- Singing voice
- Golf clubs
- Subject
- Throw out
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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The World According to the Eucman! 