Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


It Staggers The Mind….

Ø If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
o Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, but as it turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.
Ø I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Ø You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Astronomers say they now know the approximate weight of the Milky Way. They found this
out by adding 20 pounds to the Milky Way’s weight on its Tinder profile.” -Conan O’Brien

“A man in Georgia was arrested for stealing a Krispy Kreme doughnut truck and leading police
on a high-speed chase. The police charged him with one count of grand theft irony.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A survey by the national retail foundation said that some people even give their fish Valentine’s Day
gifts. A good way to tell that you’ve lost your mind is if you give your fish a Valentine’s Day gift.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed
a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn’t know the make of the car he was driving.
I asked again for a more detailed description beyond a “blue, four-door sedan.”
“It’s the one on fire,” he replied. 😳

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Seven weeks sailing, and he happens in darkness on our exact position.”
“Hmm. Well, the French have their spies in England and elsewhere. As do we.”

Answer: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World!
This movie is set in the early 1800s during the Napoleonic Wars. In the events leading up to this scene, Capt. Jack “Lucky Jack” Aubrey (Russell Crowe), commander of the British man-of-war HMS Surprise, opens orders while underway to sink or capture the French privateer Acheron, which has been deployed to the region. In this scene Midshipman Hollom (Lee Ingleby) spots the Acheron in a fog bank after seven weeks of uneventful sailing and it opens fire on HMS Surprise. After Surprise manages to escape into a fog bank, Capt. Aubrey says line one to the ship’s surgeon, Dr. Stephen Maturin (Paul Bettany). Dr. Maturin replies with line two. In the 2004 Academy Awards “Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World ” won two Oscars and was nominated in eight other categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King”). This is the first movie to include scenes filmed on the Galapagos Islands. Russell Crowe did most of his own violin playing in this movie. He learned to play for the film (and said it was the hardest thing he’d ever done for a movie).

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Oh, I had some bets down for you. You saw some money.”
“You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.
Let’s face it. It was you, Charley.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A

  1. Optic
  2. Civet
  3. Toner
  4. Rosin
  5. Lease

Group B

  1. Painter’s stand
  2. Singing voice
  3. Golf clubs
  4. Subject
  5. Throw out

Answer: 1. Easel (5)

  1. Tenor (3)
  2. Irons (4)
  3. Topic (1)
  4. Evict (2)

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
In the four sentences below, are two blanks. You must fill them in with words that are either anagrams, synonyms, antonyms, or homonyms. You can only use each of these one time each sentence. Can you figure out each word?

  1. The golfer has yelled out “,” times today.
  2. They began to _ scones, and drink _.
  3. She used one _ to look down at her wrist and see her _.
  4. He ran _ the dog in order _ not get bitten by it.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
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