Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY NOVEMBER 12, 2021

Warning: contains cringe-inducing wordplay…..

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.

My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” Me: “And?”

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, “Wii.”

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Change, like healing, takes time.” ― Veronica Roth

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for
myself, what am I? And if not now, when? – Hillel

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t
stop for anybody.” – Stephen Chbosky

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one
thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot
change anything.” ― George Bernard Shaw

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across
the waters to create many ripples.” ― Mother Teresa

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we
wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
We are the change that we seek.” ― Barack Obama

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18-wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get
out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row
the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the
trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, “I don’t mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?”
To which the trucker replied, “Sorry, can’t talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10-ton limit,
so I have to keep half of them flying at all times.” 😳

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Oh, I had some bets down for you. You saw some money.”
“You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.
Let’s face it. It was you, Charley.”

Answer: On the Waterfront!
In the events leading up to this scene boxer-turned-longshoreman Terry Malloy (Marlon Brando) struggles to stand up to corrupt union bosses. Much of this movie was shot on location around the docks of Hoboken, New Jersey. In this scene in the back seat of a taxicab Terry realizes his brother Charley ‘the Gent’ Malloy (Rod Steiger) is the real cause of his lack of boxing success. Charley tries to blame it on Terry’s manager but Terry says, “It wasn’t him, Charley. It was you. Remember that night in the Garden you came down to my dressing room and you said, “Kid, this ain’t your night. We’re going for the price on Wilson.” You remember that? “This ain’t your night.” My night! I coulda taken Wilson apart! So what happens? He gets the title shot outdoors in the ballpark and what do I get? A one way ticket to Palookaville! You was my brother, Charley, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn’t have to take them dives for the short-end money.” Charley tries to protest with line one but Terry finally understands the situation and says line two. In the 1955 Academy Awards “On the Waterfront” won eight Oscars, including Best Picture and Marlon Brando for Best Actor in a Leading Role. Actress (and future princess of Monaco) Grace Kelly turned down the role of Edie Doyle (the part played by Eva Marie Saint), deciding to make the 1954 movie “Rear Window” instead.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Promise you’ll keep in touch…both of you.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
In the four sentences below, are two blanks. You must fill them in with words that are either anagrams,
synonyms, antonyms, or homonyms. You can only use each of these one time each sentence. Can you figure out each word?

  1. The golfer has yelled out “,” times today.
  2. They began to _ scones, and drink _.
  3. She used one _ to look down at her wrist and see her _.
  4. He ran _ the dog in order _ not get bitten by it.

Answer: 1. The golfer has yelled out “FORE,” FOUR times today. (homonyms)

  1. They began to EAT scones, and drink TEA. (Anagrams)
  2. She used one EYE to look down at her wrist and see her WATCH. (Synonyms)
  3. He ran FROM the dog in order TO not get bitten by it. (Antonyms)

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
The answers to the two clues in each line below are six letter words that differ by only one letter. Example,
if you trade off the p from stripe with the letter k in the same position you get strike. (chevron=stripe, hit=strike)

  1. sew___swap____
  2. ravine__mounted gun____
  3. grumble___green club___
  4. short doze___Tabby’s treat___
  5. stronghold ranch animals

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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