Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Here’s The Story….
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, “Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though,
that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short,
but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.”
Forrest responds, “It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure
hope the test ain’t too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.”
St. Peter continued, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
How many seconds are there in a year?
What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says,
“Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”
Forrest replied, “Well, the first one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?
Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.”
The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, “Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point,
and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.
How about the next one?” asked St. Peter. “How many seconds in a year?”
“Now that one is harder,” replied Forrest, “but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded, St. Peter said, “Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year ?”
Forrest replied, “Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…”
‘Hold it,” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite
what I had in mind…but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God’s first name”?
“Sure,” Forrest replied, “it’s Andy.”
“Andy?” exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
“Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did
you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”
“Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learnt it from the song…

Andy walks with me,
Andy talks with me,
Andy tells me I am his own"

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: “Run, Forrest, run.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Finally, I saw that Starbucks just unveiled its holiday cups, which had illustrations that customers
can color in themselves. It’s perfect for people who are too busy to make their own coffee at home,
yet still have enough time to color in a coffee cup.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Amazon has unveiled a new way to view its products in 3-D. Amazon
is calling its new invention a ‘store.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Every appliance with a clock should have a Daylight Savings button to push. You’d only use it
twice a year, but that’s more than I use the ‘Potato’ button on my microwave.” -Jimmy Kimmel

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a
woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination
and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember, run to Daddy first, then the dog.”😳

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Promise you’ll keep in touch…both of you.”

Answer: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!
Hermione Granger says this to Harry and Ron at the end of “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”. She’s commenting on the fact that Harry and Ron aren’t very good writers. This is about Harry’s fourth year. Hogwarts hosts the Tri Wizard tournament. Harry’s name is selected as a champion, even though he never entered, and he must compete in the very dangerous events. We find out that Voldemort arranged to have Harry’s name entered, so that he could use Harry’s blood to return to life.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“She thinks she’s gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
The answers to the two clues in each line below are six letter words that differ by only one letter. Example,
if you trade off the p from stripe with the letter k in the same position you get strike. (chevron=stripe, hit=strike)

  1. sew___swap____
  2. ravine__mounted gun____
  3. grumble___green club___
  4. short doze___Tabby’s treat___
  5. stronghold ranch animals

Answer: 1. Stitch, Switch

  1. Canyon, Cannon
  2. Mutter, Putter
  3. Catnap, Catnip
  4. Castle, Cattle

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Diophantus was a Greek mathematician who lived in the third century. He was one of the first mathematicians to use algebraic symbols.

Most of what is known about Diophantus’s life comes from an algebraic riddle from around the early sixth century. The riddle states:

Diophantus’s youth lasted one sixth of his life. He grew a beard after one twelfth more. After one seventh more of his life, he married. 5 years later, he and his wife had a son. The son lived exactly one half as long as his father, and Diophantus died four years after his son.

How many years did Diophantus live?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
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