WELCOME to MONDAY DECEMBER 13, 2021
Jokes and Punagraphy….
- What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
- You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
- What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies!
- Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.
- A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.”
The waiter says “Whats with the pause?” The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”
- What do you call bears with no ears? B
- Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.
- I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”
I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”
- What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says,
“Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.” 😳😁😎
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“An Ohio-based company made a cup holder for dip that attaches to a dashboard so you can
eat chips and dip while you drive. I don’t have a joke about this, I just wanted to remind you
we’re still the greatest country in the world.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85 percent accuracy
rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that 15 percent of the time it’s just
a pigeon staring at your breasts.” -Seth Meyers
“Astronomers announced today that they have discovered an earth-sized planet in our corner
of the galaxy that is potentially habitable by humans. Yeah, they think the planet may have
breathable air and drinkable water, which is impressive because we barely have those things
here in Los Angeles. The planet in question orbits a star called Ross 128. It’s part of a larger
system that includes Chandler, Joey and Monica 128.” -James Corden
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
During World War II Richard Wynn, on flight duty with the 8th Air Force Division in Europe was
shot down and captured by the Germans. After a year as prisoner of war, he escaped and made
his way back to his bomber group in England. One of his first acts there was to hunt up the
corporal on duty in the parachute building.
“Corporal,” he said, “a year ago I had occasion to use one of the parachutes that your men had
packed and I want you to know how delighted I was to find it in perfect working order.
I give you my deepest compliments and appreciation.”
“You know, Lieutenant, funny thing,” the corporal replied.
“In this work we never get any complaints.” 😬
Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you’re out there risking your life and limb
through shot and shell, we’ll be in here thinking what a sucker you are.”?
Answer: Duck Soup!
As well as the anarchic Marx Brothers, “Duck Soup” (1933) stars the wonderful Margaret Dumont, who plays Mrs Gloria Teasdale, a wealthy widow, who financially supports the bankrupt Freedonia. She insists that Rufus T Firefly, played by Groucho, be made ruler. Meanwhile the neighbouring country, Sylvania, wants to take over and enlists the incompetent support of the other Marx brothers. As diplomacy, unsurprisingly, fails the two countries go to war in some of the funniest battle scenes ever seen on film. “Duck Soup” ends with Mrs Teasdale singing the national athem of Freedonia, while the brothers pelt her with fruit. This film was not initially a financial success and had mixed reviews, but is now regarded as one of the best Marx Brothers films made.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You must forgive me if I seem a little slow, but it’s a bit early in the day to see double. Even for me.”?
Friday’s Quizzler is….
Without changing the order of the letters, place the four letter words on the dashes to form eight letter words. All the words will not be used.
Veto, Lent, Rake, Hilt, Clam, Abut, Tile
- _ um_ _ i _ y
- Pro _ _ _ i _
- _ err _ b _ _
- _ _ xa _ i _ n
- Ove _ t _ _ _
Answer: 1. Humility – hilt
- Proclaim – clam
- Terrible – tile
- Vexation – veto
- Overtake – rake
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Fill in the answers to the clues by using all the syllables. The number to be used is in parentheses.
BOG BRA DO EX GAN GNA LA MEN MENT NA NA O PERT SA TO TOR TOUR VO
- Baked pasta dish (3)
- Forewarning (2)
- Long sled (3)
- Well done! (2)
- Master (2)
- Athletic competition (3)
- Twister (3)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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