Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY DECEMBER 14, 2021

Stories About Punagraphy….

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” “But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, … and so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”

4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with — transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

5. Back in the 1800’s the Tate’s Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression — “He who has a Tate’s is lost!”

A thief poke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“An Italian winery is releasing five limited-edition bottles of Hello Kitty-themed wine
for the holiday season. Its the perfect gift for your alcoholic niece.” -Seth Meyers

“Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the
cause of death, but they suspect boredom.” -Conan O’Brien

“A brewery in Oregon is coming out with a new Sriracha-flavored beer. That’s right,
beer that tastes like hot sauce. They said it’s the perfect beverage for finding out if
you’re an alcoholic: ‘There’s only one beer left and it has hot sauce in it – just give it to me!'” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies,
then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother,
asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me! Mommy said we came from monkeys.” His father replied, “No, your mother was talking about her side of the family.” 😳😁😎

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You must forgive me if I seem a little slow, but it’s a bit early in the day to see double. Even for me.”?

Answer: The Prisoner of Zenda!
The plot of “The Prisoner of Zenda” revolves around the substitution of a distant English cousin, Rudolf Rassendyll, for the king of Ruritania, King Rudolf V, a tippler who is too unreliable to be trusted with his own coronation. The Englishman plays the part well and even gains the interest of the king’s fiancee, Princess Flavia, who approves of his sobriety. When the king is found to have been abducted the Englishman must continue his masquerade until his cousin is rescued and restored to the throne. The plot of “The Prisoner of Zenda” has been used at least thirteen times in the theatre, radio productions and films. “The Prisoner of Benda” was the title of an episode in Futurama, “The Prisoner of Azkaban” was a Harry Potter title and “Double Indemnity” has no relevance to this film.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Nowadays people want glamour and tears, the grand performance. I’ve never been good at that.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….
Fill in the answers to the clues by using all the syllables. The number to be used is in parentheses.

BOG BRA DO EX GAN GNA LA MEN MENT NA NA O PERT SA TO TOR TOUR VO

Baked pasta dish (3)
Forewarning (2)
Long sled (3)
Well done! (2)
Master (2)
Athletic competition (3)
Twister (3)

Answer: 1. Lasagna (la sa gna)

Omen (o men)
Toboggan (to bog gan)
Bravo (bra vo)
Expert (ex pert)
Tournament (tour na ment)
Tornado (tor na do)

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
P is to L.
M is to OK.
Hence, D is to _

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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