Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to THURSDAY DECEMBER 23, 2021

Really Bad Punagraphy…

Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at!

Related: Best Funny Math Jokes and Puns

What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
Can February March? No, but April May.
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.

19, A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it!
Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!
My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me, “What do you do at a red light?”
I said, “I don’t know, look around, listen to the radio” –Bill Braudis

“I filled out a rental application that asked, ‘Do you own any liquid-filled furniture?’ Couldn’t they just have said ‘waterbed’? How many other forms of liquid-filled furniture are there? ‘Yeah, I have a beer couch, will that be a problem?'” –Lisa Goich

“The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.” –P. J. O’Rourke

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home. That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard.
One boy said, “We’re Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass.”
“Were Jewish,” said another child. “And we’re going to have a Hanukkah celebration.
“Madison chimed in, “We’re Texans, and were going to have a barbecue.”😳😬😁

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Mr. Hallorann, what’s in room 237?”
“Nothin’. There ain’t nothin’ in room 237. But you ain’t got no business goin’ in there anyway. So stay out. You understand? Stay out.”
Answer: The Shining
In this scene young Danny Torrance (Danny Lloyd) asks head chef Dick Hallorann (Scatman Crothers) at the Overlook Hotel in Colorado about a particular hotel room with line one. But Hallorann has sensed that Danny has special talents in mental telepathy (what his grandmother used to call “shining”) and realizes Danny could have real problems in that room as a result of a past event in the hotel. He warns Danny with line two to stay away from that room. When Danny asks, “Mr. Hallorann, are you scared of this place?” he replies, “No. Scared – there’s nothin’ here. It’s just that, you know, some places are like people. Some shine and some don’t. I guess you could say the Overlook Hotel here has somethin’ almost like shining.” In the events leading up to this scene, would-be writer Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) is hired as the winter caretaker of the isolated hotel in the secluded mountains of Colorado and moves his family there. As the winter progresses, delusional Jack goes stir crazy and is convinced he is an earlier caretaker who went berserk and killed his family. The ominous music at the opening scenes definitely gives the impression that something bad is about to happen! In a famous scene from this movie, Jack Torrance chops through a locked bathroom door to get at his terrified wife Wendy (Shelley Duvall). Jack Nicholson improvised the line “Heerreee’s Johnny!” in this scene. This movie is based on an early Stephen King novel and is one of my favorites.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Sport [a nickname], truth, like art, is in the eye of the beholder. You believe what you choose and I’ll believe what I know.”
“Good luck, Jim.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Once upon a time, a couple centuries ago, in a cold, harsh winter, three men were about to be executed. It was customary in their land to feed everyone who is about to be executed a last meal, consisting of whatever they want.

So, the first man says, “I am an old, poor fellow, and my whole family was vegetarian except for me. Therefore, I would like to eat one last chicken before I die”. His wish was granted, but right when he finished the last bite, the executioner killed him on the spot.

The second man asks for a pie. “My family is extremely poor, and we have never had the money to buy sweets, or anything of any sort of delicacy. So before I die, I would like the chance to taste a pie, the food I have been dreaming about for years.”

The executioner agreed, but right when the poor man finished the last piece, he was also killed on the spot.

Finally, it was the third man’s turn. Without even taking a second to think, he said “I would like some strawberries”.
The executioner burst out laughing. “I’m sorry”, he sputtered, “I just can’t understand why you would want to eat STRAWBERRIES of all things right before you die. Out of all the delicious foods you could have picked, why strawberries?”

What was the third man’s reply which allowed him to live?

Answer: “As you may have noticed, it is winter right now, so strawberries aren’t in season. Therefore, I have every right to wait at least another 6 months for them to be harvested before you kill me.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Can you find the word within a word for each set of clues listed below? The dashes beside each clue tell you how many letters are in the word you are to find. (ex. A young lion…in skin diving gear = ScubA)

A snooze…in a hiking bag: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
An armed conflict…in one who lacks courage: _ _ _ _ _ _
A line of seats…in a king’s headdress:_ _ _ _ __
A brooch…in a statement of belief:_ _ _ _ _ _ __
A math term…in a fireman’s climbing apparatus:_ _ _ _ _ _

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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