Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 29, 2021

Holiday Eating Tips

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories
in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Christmas is that magical time of the year when we’re forced to spend money we don’t want to
spend to travel to places we don’t want to go to see the people we really don’t want to see.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a new survey, 75 percent of employees would rather get a cash bonus than spend time
with coworkers at a holiday party. All I can say to my staff is, ‘See you at the holiday party.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A Christmas celebration was nearly cancelled in England this week when after the star donkey ate an
entire set of Christmas lights. On the bright side; that donkey’s poop.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
I wondered if I could get my husband to help me address Christmas cards, as I had so much to do.
I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said, “Come on, Dear, let’s get these out of the way.” He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed.
“They’re last year’s,” he said. “I forgot to mail them. Now let’s go out to dinner and relax.” 😳

Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration, I’ve decided NOT to endorse your park.”
“So have I.”

Answer: Jurassic Park!
In this scene paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and entrepreneur John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) are preparing to join several others hurriedly leaving Jurassic Park, after narrowly escaping with their lives. Hammond has learned how to extract DNA from the blood of prehistoric mosquitoes entombed in clumps of ancient amber and has successfully cloned dinosaurs from that. His plan was to create a park and exhibit these creatures behind electrified fences to paying tourists. However, when several scientists are brought in to possibly endorse this park, several dinosaurs escape and the resulting scenes of T-rex and velociraptors vs. people are pretty unnerving. In the 1994 Academy Awards “Jurassic Park” won three Oscars, including Best Visual Effects. Both the book by Michael Crichton and this movie based on it generated considerable interest in dinosaurs and resulted in a record increase in the number of students studying paleontology.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Hey, Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don’t react too well to bullets.”
“Right. I have to be careful what I shoot at?”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Each of the following clues describes two words. One of the words is a type of flower. The other word is that flower with one of the following changes: a letter added anywhere (tall stall), a letter deleted anywhere (statice static), a letter changed anywhere (supine lupine). There is no rearrangement of the other letters. No flower is used more than once.

1) This is a sly flower.
2) This is an abusive flower.
3) This is a quicker flower.
4) This is a lively flower.
5) This flower is a bird.
6) This flower is held in servitude to work off a debt.
7) This is what a flower uses for smelling.
8) These are thick earthenware pots made from a flower.
9) This is a lid made from a flower.
10) This is a liquor made from a flower.
11) This is a raised platform for a flower.
12) These are kitchen utensils for a flower.

Answer: 1) wily lily
2) violent violet
3) faster aster
4) peppy poppy
5) ibis iris
6) peon peony
7) rose nose
8) crocus crocks
9) clover cover
10) mum rum
11) daisy dais
12) pansy pans

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
In these Word Pyramids, the first letter is given to you (which is the first answer). Use the clues to build the pyramid to find the answer. In each consecutive answer, a letter is added to the previous answer. However, the answer letters might not be in the same order. Good Luck!!

Starting letter: S

Clues:

Chemical symbol for the synthetic transuranic element first produced by neutron irradiation of uranium
in a thermonuclear explosion and now usually produced in the laboratory by irradiating plutonium and other elements.
A division of an ocean or a large body of salt water partially enclosed by land
Being the very one; identical.
A southern constellation between Hydrus and Volans.
The inside seam of a pant leg.
A small group of advanced students in a college or graduate school engaged in original research or intensive study
under the guidance of a professor who meets regularly with them to discuss their reports and findings.
A country of northeast South America on the Atlantic Ocean.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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