Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY JANUARY 3, 2021

Cowboy rules for Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, Nevada, South Dakota, Kansas and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

  1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
  2. Turn your cap around, your head ain’t crooked.
  3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
  4. They are cattle. That’s why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one.
  5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
  6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
  7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand.
  8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
  9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
  10. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of age.
  11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
  12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah … We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat… IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!
  13. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better know how to shoot and drive a truck.
  14. College and High School Football is more important than the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks all combined, and a dang site more fun to watch.
  15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.
  16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won’t get it, but we’re friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what life in the real West is all about!!!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Today, the stock market hit an all-time high. Which is great news, because if there’s one
thing we’ve learned over the past decade it’s that if Wall Street executives are doing well,
regular Americans are doing well. ” -James Corden

“Two Connecticut residents stole over $1,000 worth of candles from the Yankee Candle
Village. The suspects are being described as white.” -Conan O’Brien

“Starbucks is planning to open Italian bakeries in New York City and Chicago that will serve pizza.
Good, because if there’s anywhere you can’t get a good slice of pizza, it’s NEW YORK CITY and CHICAGO.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck I’ve had today! What in the world should I do now?”
A man standing next to her suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?” The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees.”

Answer: The Usual Suspects
In the 1995 movie “The Usual Suspects” actor Kevin Spacey speaks this wonderful coffee quote. He is playing the role of Roger “Verbal” Kint, the suspicious survivor of a boat fire and is reminiscing about times past. He is in the local police station and is talking to Agent Kujan, played by actor Chazz Palminteri. This discussion is about the deplorable coffee being served at the precinct. It should not be surprising that this possibly criminal character would be thinking about his past, as there are many scientific studies that purport to show that coffee drinking helps memory retention!

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Coffee makes me nervous when I drink it. Mmm.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Looking at the 3 “equations” below, what is the answer to the 4th one?

8 + 2 = 16106
5 + 4 = 2091
9 + 6 = 54153
7 + 3 = ?

Answer: 21104
To arrive at each answer you first multiply the two numbers, then add the two numbers, and finally
subtract the two numbers. Your final answer is each of these answers strung together.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
For each of the following, use the clue words to help you find three words that are linked to each other through their last two letters and first two letters of the subsequent word.

The 1st word’s last two letters are the same as the first two letters of the 2nd word, and the 2nd word’s last two letters are the same as the first two letters of the 3rd word.

Example: exchange / exit / come back Answer: traDE / DEpartuRE / REturn

  1. flowing water / colour / oops
  2. priority / unusual / authentic
  3. soreness / make better / forever
  4. evolution / merciful / jump

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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