Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY JANUARY 4, 2021

As e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) continue to erode the written language, perhaps it is time for an English language lesson.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen’s Engerlish:

  1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).
  6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Be more or less specific.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
  11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
  12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
  14. One should never generalize.
  15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  16. Don’t use no double negatives.
  17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
  21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
  24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
  26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
  28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times:
    resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
  34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Honestly must be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently,
by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.” -George Carlin

“When I’m in a slump, I comfort myself by saying if I believe in dinosaurs, then somewhere,
they must be believing in me. And if they believe in me, then I can believe in me.
Then I bust out.” -Mookie Wilson (baseball player)

People born in the year 2000 never have to
remember how old they are.” -Nick Offerman

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will
said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. 😳

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Coffee makes me nervous when I drink it. Mmm.”

Answer: Sling Blade
The 1996 hit “Sling Blade” was a surprise hit and helped make a star out of actor/director Billy Bob Thornton. Thornton’s character, Karl Childers, is a mentally impaired, middle-aged man who had been held in a psychiatric hospital since early adolescence, after he killed his mother and her boyfriend. The movie focuses on his friendship with a 12 year old boy named Frank. He is sitting with Linda, Franks mother, when she offers him some coffee that she is fixing to brew. Karl likes everything to be calm and the caffiene in coffee makes him uneasy. This award winning movie attempted to show life in a small southern American town and included all the prejudices and simple pleasures of living in this area.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“It’s all in the grind Sizemore. Can’t be too fine, can’t be too coarse. This, my friend, is a science.”?

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
For each of the following, use the clue words to help you find three words that are linked to each other through their last two letters and first two letters of the subsequent word.

The 1st word’s last two letters are the same as the first two letters of the 2nd word, and the 2nd word’s last two letters are the same as the first two letters of the 3rd word.

Example: exchange / exit / come back Answer: traDE / DEpartuRE / REturn

  1. flowing water / colour / oops
  2. priority / unusual / authentic
  3. soreness / make better / forever
  4. evolution / merciful / jump

Answer: 1. stream / amber / error

  1. first / strange / genuine
  2. ache / heal / always
  3. change / gentle / leap

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
What phrase is represented by the following?

IQ of someone = 140 > IQs of: (grizzly + black + polar) / 3 = 100

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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