WELCOME to TUESDAY FEBRUARY 8, 2021
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
The teacher confiscated a rubber band pistol from his algebra class pistol,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t
have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The
other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“The preserved forearm of a 16th century saint is on a tour across Canada.
And get this… tickets are still available!” -Conan O’Brien
“United Airlines prevented a woman from boarding her flight out of Newark, New Jersey,
because she tried to board with an emotional-support pet, which was her peacock. They
were all set to let both of them on, but then they caught the peacock with over
three and a half ounces of shampoo.” -James Corden
“Because we live in the modern age, women now have choices that are just killing them.
“They can have a job, not have a job. They can be married or unmarried, married with children,
unmarried with children, married with children and a job, unmarried with children and a job,
unmarried with children and no job, unmarried with children who themselves have jobs, have a job
and an au pair who has children, marry the au pair, have the au pair have their children, etc…
“Men, unfortunately, have the same choice we’ve always had: we can work or we can go to jail.” –Tim Allen
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet. “I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old,” I said to my husband, hoping he’d take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present.
“Or,” he offered instead, “it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old.” 😳
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Now it isn’t that I don’t like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I’m strangely drawn
toward you, but – well – there haven’t been any quiet moments.”
Answer: Bringing Up Baby!
These words are spoken by scientist Dr David Huxley, played by an exasperated Cary Grant, to Susan Vance, played by an irrepressible Katharine Hepburn. Baby is her pet leopard. The film tells the story of Dr Huxley ending up in various and very comical predicaments as a result of the actions of Susan and Baby.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
It goes up, but at the same time goes down.
Up toward the sky, and down toward the ground.
It’s present tense and past tense too.
Come for a ride, just me and you.
What is it?
Answer: It’s a See-Saw.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
The U.S. Presidents made some horrible political decisions. They decided to hide from the mob coming
after them by hiding in these five sentences. You are hired as a private sleuth to find each of them.
Can you find their last names in these five sentences?
- Ice pops taste the best on hot afternoons.
- The weird dictator said that he would build magenta dams.
- The man told his mother that he wouldn’t be home for dinner.
- I have to fill more of the holes our dog dug in the yard.
- I was going to take the bus home, but I missed it.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.