Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY MARCH 15, 2022

Marriage Definitions

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time
that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“A town in Israel is building an amusement park that some are calling ‘the Jewish Disneyland.’
The Jewish Disneyland still has Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, except Doc is the
chief of cardiology at Cedars-Sinai.” -Conan O’Brien

“Researchers just unveiled a robot that can play Scrabble. It’s pretty realistic. It even
gets bored halfway through and stops playing.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A recent study suggests that it is harder to concentrate in the winter. Said researchers,
‘For example, this study was supposed to be about traffic accidents.'” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Caller: ‘Hi, can you connect me with Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug
the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’ 😳

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You prove my point.”
“I hate the British! You are defeated but you have no shame. You are stubborn but you have no pride.
You endure but you have no courage. I hate the British!”

Answer: The Bridge on the River Kwai!
In this scene, Japanese Colonel Saito (Sessue Hayakawa), who runs a Japanese POW camp in WWII, is talking to British commander Colonel Nicholson (Alec Guinness), who has just been released from solitary confinement in an outdoor “oven” box. Colonel Saito wants the British officers, who are POWs, to do manual labor in building a bridge the Japanese want built and is furious when Colonel Nicholson forbids this. The oven box treatment has failed to change Colonel Nicholson’s mind and he has been released. Nicholson asks Colonel Saito if he is satisfied with the work so far under Japanese direction and Saito says, “I am not!” Nicholson then says line one and a frustrated Saito replies with line two.
“The Bridge on the River Kwai” won seven Oscars in the 1958 Academy Awards, including Best Picture. Alec Guinness won Best Actor in a Leading Role, and David Lean won for Best Director. Although this movie is based on a true story, considerable leeway was taken with the actual history (much to the frustration of former POWs who actually were there).

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“That’s a beautiful name. Why don’t you use it?”
“Because people know me as Bugsy.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
I am not a human, nor am I an animal.
I have eyes, but cannot see,
and I have hair that you cannot comb.
My brown skin has several layers but this seems a paradox,
because one is smooth and the other is hard.
My skin protects my soft white flesh;
and within my flesh is my opaque blood.

What am I?

ANSWER: A coconut!
The coconut is the seed and edible fruit of the coco palm tree (Cocos nucifera). Each coconut has several layers: a smooth, deep tan outer covering; a brown fiber of 1-2″ thickness; a hard, dark brown hairy husk with three indented “eyes” at one end; a thin brown skin; the cream white coconut meat; and at the center, a thin opaque coconut juice.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
What phrase is represented by the following?

Look kool XtXhXeXrXoXaXdX

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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