WELCOME to THURSDAY MARCH 17, 2022
SIGNS OF THE TIMES…
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE:
“We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck:
“Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“A nightclub in Miami has lost its business license after a woman brought
a horse onto the dance floor. In the nightclub’s defense,
the horse’s ID looked real.” -Conan O’Brien
“Every appliance with a clock should have a Daylight Savings button to push.
You’d only use it twice a year, but that’s more than I use the ‘Potato’ button
on my microwave.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s Daylight Savings Time. Why does it have to happen on the weekend? Why
can’t they do it on a Wednesday at 4:00? ‘Hey look, now it’s 5:00.
Time to go home!'”-Stephen Colbert
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Walking home one night, this guy hears a, “Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?”
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and agitated pig.
“What are you planning to do with that?” he asks.
“I’m carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub.”
“Why do you wanna’ do a thing like that?”
“Well, you see, it’s my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that
the price of gas has shot up again…she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the East again …
she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and she knows that, too. Well,
tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I’ll wait for her to come running to me screaming
‘THERE’S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE’S A PIG IN BATH!'”
And I’ll just turn to her and say, “Yeah, I know!” 😳
Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Yeah, I do!”
Answer: Analyze This!
In this scene psychiatrist Dr. Ben Sobel (Billy Crystal) has just told mob boss Paul Vitti (Robert De Niro), “You know what I do when I’m angry? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.” Vitti pulls out his handgun and fires several shots into a nearby empty chair. Dr. Sobel then asks line one and a pleasantly surprised Vitti responds with line two. This movie tells the story of how Dr. Sobel reluctantly helps Vitti once and then can’t get rid of him as a patient. Vitti keeps telling Dr. Sobel, “You, my friend, have a special gift,” and won’t leave.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“There. That oughta’ do it.”
[after a huge explosion] “Think ya used enough dynamite there?
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
In each group below, the three words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each group.
Example: plo___, tho___, to___ would be plough, though, tough.
- comr___, fac___, m___
- id___, s___, wher___
- p___, vac___, w___
ANSWER: 1. comrade, facade, made
- ideas, seas, whereas
- pant, vacant, want
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Decapitate me and all becomes equal. Then truncate me and I become second. Cut me front and back and I become two less than I started.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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