Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY APRIL 11, 2022

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
5) The best place to be when you’re sad is Granddad’s or Grandma’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside..
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS: How true this one is.
At age 4 success is . . . … Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is … . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is ….. . Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is . … . Having money.
At age 50 success is . .. .. Having money.
At age 70 success is . … . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is … … Having friends.
At age 80 success is . .. .. Not piddling in your pants.
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget t! he troubles that pass your way; *BUT NEVER * forget the blessings that come each day.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEK! people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“An 80-year-old man in Arizona is on trial for robbing a bank. Apparently,
he slipped the teller a note that said, ‘Do you know why I came in here?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A California woman has turned her home into a sanctuary for 1,000 cats.
She’s applied for both tax and man exempt status.” -Conan O’Brien

“New Jersey is considering a bill that would outlaw texting while walking, and
make it punishable by 15 days in jail. And according to a new poll,
people kept running into it.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world,
we can see why American have not adopted it:
A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
Put your best .3 of a meter forward.
Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he’ll take 1.6 kilometers.
Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Because I have a right to be heard. I have a voice!”

Answer: The King’s Speech!
Colin Firth starred as Albert, second son of George V, who reluctantly became King George VI after his older brother abdicated in favour of love with Wallis Simpson. Albert had stuttered throughout his life, but as he was not expected to take the throne, he had never received treatment for it. His affliction became a severe problem for him when his speeches to a wartime England were to be broadcast into people’s homes. Geoffrey Rush starred as Australian Lionel Logue who helped “Bertie” overcome his speech impediment and was by the King’s side during all of his broadcast speeches. This movie, based on the true story of George VI, also starred Helena Bonham Carter as Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon. Jennifer Ehle, who played Elizabeth Bennett to Firth’s Mr. Darcy in the BBC version of “Pride and Prejudice”, played the role of Logue’s wife, Myrtle.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I’ve cleaned up this city. Have you forgotten my slogan? “Nihil expectore in omnibus” – no spitting on the public transport.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
You can actually view words from a different perspective. For example, number could mean getting
more numb, while a butter could simply be a goat or a ram.
And now for the problem. What do you call a wicked thing?

ANSWER: Candle.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Listo, the leader of a band of assassins, was taken captive by an opposing kingdom. “Give your daggers,” said one of the generals, “Or you are to be executed. But since you killed so many of our knights, we shall give you a small test. You must say a statement. If the statement is true, we burn you on a stake. If the sentence is false, we stab you through the heart. If you do not say anything, you are thrown to the lions. If you say something we can’t verify, you will be forced to drink a cup of hemlock. If it is not a statement or if it is a paradox, we simply toss you into the nearby volcano. We shall give you one hour to ponder.”

What should Listo say?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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