WELCOME to FRIDAY MAY 6, 2022
Things I’ve Learned from my Children
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man
says they can only do it in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. Duplos will not.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Austin has a 5-minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MOTHERS DAY WEEKEND! people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary’s Mother: “I don’t mind you having a garden, Mary,
but does it have to be growing under your bed?”
Mona Lisa’s Mother: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces,
Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”
Humpty Dumpty’s Mother: “Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred
times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!”
Columbus’ Mother: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered,
Christopher. You still could have written!”
Babe Ruth’s Mother: “Babe, how many times have I told you — quit playing ball
in the house! That’s the third broken window this week!”
Michelangelo’s Mother: “Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you
have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?”
Napoleon’s Mother: “All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your report card
inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!”
Custer’s Mother: “Now, George, remember what I told you — don’t go biting
off more than you can chew!”
Abraham Lincoln’s Mother: “Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t you
just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in
contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are
some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied “Well, every time that you do
something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little
girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked,
“Momma, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?” 😳😳
Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Mum sent me a dress!”
Answer: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!
Ron Weasley said this in ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’. He opened something that his mom sent and saw that they were dress robes. He first thought it was Ginny’s until Hermione told him it was his. This movie was about Harry’s fourth year at Hogwarts. There was a contest called the Triwizard Tournament between three schools (Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, and Durmstrang). One person from each school had to participate in three dangerous tasks, but they had to be over 17 years old. Somehow, Harry’s name came out of the Goblet, even though he did not put it in. Therefore, even his friend, Ron, had thought that Harry put his name in without telling him.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I never pretended to be somebody else. It’s been me all along.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Recently, Snow White’s seven dwarfs met up with three of their friends and went to the cinema to see Bambi. From the clues below, can you determine the order in which they stood in the ticket queue? Grumpy was in front of Dopey. Stumpy was behind Sneezy and Doc. Doc was in front of Droopy and Happy. Sleepy was behind Stumpy, Smelly and Happy.
Happy was in front of Sleepy, Smelly and Bashful.
Bashful was behind Smelly, Droopy and Sleepy.
Sneezy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was in front of Grumpy, Stumpy and Sneezy.
Dopey was in front of Droopy.
Sleepy was in front of Grumpy and Bashful.
Dopey was behind Sneezy, Doc and Sleepy.
Stumpy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was behind Doc.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
I can help you have some fun,
Sometimes I get stronger from the sun.
If you never give me a break,
You will find I may never again wake.
I am optimistic on one side,
I can be short, fat, tall, or wide.
Rectangle, cylinder are just a couple of my shapes,
And maybe I can even help you make some videotapes.
Sometimes you have to wait long for me to get ready,
Just hold on for a few hours and be steady.
I can help you get around to the market or mall,
and even help you make a call.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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