WELCOME to TUESDAY MAY 10, 2022
World’s Best One Liners
- Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs
- “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.
- I intend to live forever… or die trying.
- We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair.
- At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
- Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy. What about a construction joke?
Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
- Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it.
- I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
- I childproofed the house… but they still get in!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Researchers are claiming that humans can only maintain close relationships
with five people. Which should make for an interesting Mother’s Day for
my mom and her six kids.” -Conan O’Brien
“Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast
options. Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. It’s the half a
burrito you woke up next to.” -Seth Meyers
“The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans
should start going on walks. Then to everyone’s surprise, he added, ‘Even if you’re
just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the
proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.
“Are there two pints in a quart or four?” asked one.
“There be two pints in a quart,” confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
“Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us.”
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows
called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, “You did say two pints, didn’t you?”
“That’s right,” he called back, “two pints.” 😳
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“To be honest, it was tough, man. T-U-P-H.”
Answer: Sky High!
This was said by Zach in “Sky High”. He said it when Will asked him how his summer was. Zach told Will that it was tough because he did not discover his power until late that month. This movie was about a guy named Will Stronghold going to a school called Sky High. He was in the hero support class until he discovered his powers. When he discovered that he had the power to be super-strong, he got into the hero class. But he started hanging out with the ‘super’ people rather than his friends, and forgot things he was supposed to do.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You really scared me, if that’s what you wanted. Is that what you wanted?”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
What number, when spelled out, has no repeated letters and has each of the vowels (not including Y) once?
ANSWER: Five thousand.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
In this teaser, your job is to try and discover the car model within each sentence.
The model is hiding in the consecutive letters within a sentence.
Example: This recipe calls for only one onion.
Answer: Neon (oNE ONion)
- The zookeeper gave the chimp a large banana.
- The police had the home of the pyromaniac cordoned off.
- There are galactic areas where our starship has not travelled.
- Do math majors find people with a nice compass attractive?
- I once saw a gambler from Mexico roll a seven five times in a row.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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