Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to THURSDAY MAY 12, 2022

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter
part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. (Repost)

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY! people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. It’s the one day each year when
we tell our teachers that there’s no one we’re prouder of, and our teachers are
like, ‘There’s no one OF WHOM you’re prouder.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Facebook is adding a new feature that will allow people to use Facebook as an
online dating app. I’m not sure Facebook understands why we use Facebook.
Facebook isn’t for finding dates; it’s for finding people we used to date. Then
we silently judge them, feel better about ourselves.
That’s the only use for Facebook.” -James Corden

“In a new interview, billionaire Warren Buffett called Bitcoin ‘rat poison.’ Which
is an unfair comparison because people actually understand
how rat poison works.” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children’s world travels: one son
was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter
was completing a year-long research project in India.
One co-worker’s quip, however, stopped me short. “What is it about you,” he asked,
“that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?” 😳

Wednesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“A lot of good that’s done.”

Answer: New York Minute!
Roxy Ryan said this to her sister, Jane, in “New York Minute”. She told her this when they got mad at each other. Jane said that she had been helping her the entire day, so Roxy said that it had not been a good day. This movie was about two sisters who spent a day in New York. Jane had a speech to do, while Roxy wanted to go to a Simple Plan concert. But their day together did not turn out well.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“We do not speak his name!”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Eagle-eye Ixolite, the world famous dart player, was at an exhibition match and was showing off to the audience. “I can throw a dart and it will hit the board anywhere I want!” he cried. “Where on the board shall I put my next dart?” he asked the crowd. A small boy came up to Eagle-Eye and passed him a slip of paper. Eagle-eye, who liked a rebus, took one look at the note, threw his head back and laughed, then threw the dart. Where did it land?

This is what was on the note: Perfume Bottle R.I.P.

Answer: It landed in the bullseye.
The Rebus said Dead Center or Dead Scenter.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Below you will find five uncommon titles to five well-known Alfred Hitchcock movies. How many can you decipher?

Unstable Personality
The Pelicans, Crows, and Penguins
To Apprehend a Criminal
The Male Who Perceived Everything
Dizziness with a Sensation of Motion

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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