WELCOME to TUESDAY JUNE 14, 2022
A job that requires no experience, pays nothing, and has no days off? That’s motherhood,
but these mom jokes will help you laugh about it. Motherhood is like a fairy tale in reverse.
You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
But part of the happily ever after of having kids is the laughs along the way, and learning
to laugh about being a mom.
- Don’t be so hard on yourself; the mom in ET had an alien living in her house for weeks and didn’t notice.
- As a mom, I’m no longer a snack. I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.
- Motherhood has shown me that you don’t need fun to have alcohol.
- Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball
gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
- “It’s spicy” is the universal mom code word for “I don’t want to share.”
- Some days you question your parenting. Other days you have to question your child’s childing.
- My kids can never make fun of me for teaching me how to use my phone. I taught them how to use a spoon.
- How kids say goodnight: “I fed the dog, and now he’s making a funny noise.”
- Good moms let their kids lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.
- Having a weird mom builds character.
- Being a mother of a teenager is finally understanding why some animals eat their young.
- The fastest way to spread news isn’t on the internet. It’s by telling your mom.
- Nothing is truly lost until Mom can’t find it.
- Ever heard of a job that requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, and
you can’t quit? That’s motherhood. Oh, and people’s lives are on the line.
- Motherhood taught me just how far I can let myself go and still be okay with it.
- Motherhood means that half the time I feel like I’m running an asylum, and
the other half I feel like I belong in one.
- Mommy doesn’t have a favorite child—you all annoy me equally.
- Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard.
- What’s the fastest land mammal? A toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
That’s my Story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“There is a Japanese pop band whose members are all over 80 years old.
The band is known for their No. 1 hit song, ‘Where Am I?'” -Conan O’Brien
“A plane in Holland was forced to make an emergency landing after a passenger’s
body odor was so bad that it caused others to vomit and faint. You know it’s bad
when people are going into the airplane bathroom for some fresh air.” -James Corden
“Facebook has announced a new page called ‘Memories’ that will show users photos
from the past. It’s better than the original title for the page,
‘When You Were Thinner.'” -Seth Meyers
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
“What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the school secretary on
the first day of the new academic year.
“He’s a magician, ma’am” said Little Johnny.
“How interesting. What’s his favorite trick?”
“He saws people in half.”
“Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?”
“One half brother and two half sisters.” 😳
Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by the police squad.
No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans, we must be gracious and considerate hosts.”
Answer: The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
The scene for this quote takes place at the Mayor’s (Nancy Marchand) press conference. One of the reporters inquires about the security for Queen Elizabeth II (Jeannette Charles) during her visit to Los Angeles. The Mayor (Marchand) reveals that security will be handled by Police Squad. When Drebin (Nielsen) is asked about the protection they will provide, he responds with this extremely unpolitically correct response.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“He’s in jail, it’s because he wants to be in jail. He’s a born tactician. Every move that he makes, it means something. That cellmate that he killed, what, you think that was random? No. That’s a pawn being moved off the board.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
When you were in your early school years, you can remember when you had a CRUSH on that cute girl sitting nearby. The only problem comes when you say something stupid and she SLAPS your face. Try to get from CRUSH to SLAPS in 5 steps by making a word each time.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Two personal pronouns if you take
And join them in due order,
An herb will name, without mistake,
That scents the garden border.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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