Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!



Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes,
thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and
going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should,
use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.

If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for much but they
bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

That’s my Story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A new study has found that people who run marathons have less arthritis
than non-runners. Responded non-runners: ‘This. This is why no
one wants to hang out with you.'” -Seth Meyers

“Applebee’s is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June.
So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee’s,
get them to a hospital.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A clothing company is going to release a $99 wedding dress. The $99 wedding
dress is the perfect way to tell your man, ‘I do, I guess.'” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear macho,
so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation,
“Say, isn’t that fine-looking bunch of cows over there.”
The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ it’s ‘herd.'”
“Heard what?”
“Herd of cows.”
“Sure, I’ve heard of cows!” finished the city boy excitedly,
“there’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.” 😳

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Wine is sunlight, held together by water.” The poetic wisdom of the Italian physicist, philosopher, and stargazer, Galileo Galilei. It all begins with the soil, the vine, the grape. The smell of the vineyard – like inhaling birth. And it wakens some ancestral sun. Primordial. Anyway, some deeply imprinted, probably subconscious place.”

Answer: Bottle Shock!
The scene for this quote takes place at Spurrier’s (Rickman) wine shop as he begins plans to save his business, by organizing a blind taste-test in Paris to introduce Europeans to the quality wines that are being produced in the Napa Valley. This movie is based on factual events. Spurrier (Rickman) convinces vintner Jim Barnett (Bill Pullman) to enter his chardonnay in the Judgement in Paris competition. After the scores are tallied by the French judges Barnett’s (Pullman) chardonnay is declared the winner.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now… now I’m washing lettuce. Soon I’ll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser:

YLAP Take letters 1 & 2
DRAAW Take letters 1 & 4
ELT Take letter 2

Unscramble the letters you collected… What do you get?

Answer: YLAP Take letters 1 & 2 – PLAY, take P,L
DRAAW Take letters 1 & 4 – AWARD, take A,R
ELT Take letters 2 – LET, take E

Unscramble the above to get ‘Pearl’

Pearls are an organic gem, created by Nature. A pearl is created when oysters cover any object with beautiful layers of nacre.

Long ago, pearls were considered to be very sound and important financial assets, equivalent to owning a house of your own, as thousands of oysters had to be searched for only one pearl. They were rare because they were created only by chance.

Today, pearls are cultured by man. Oysters are stimulated to cover beads with nacre and create the pearls. Pearls are available in white and beautiful hues of off white and pink. They are also available in black.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
What is this rebus?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
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