WELCOME to MONDAY JULY 18, 2022
- We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. Runs in our jeans.
- Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
- I tried to catch fog yesterday, Mist.
- Why did the scarecrow get a raise? He was outstanding in his field.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they never meet.
- Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word.
- My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
- What do you call a woman on the arm of a banjo player? A tattoo.
- I called a psychic once. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up.
- I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
- I have a fear of speed bumps, But I’m slowly getting over it.
- Q. What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?
A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
- I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever
you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, “Dad,
when will I be old enough to do as I please?” The father answered immediately,
“I don’t know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet.”
An English professor announced to the class; “There are two words I don’t allow
in my class. One is gross and the other is cool.” From the back of the room a voice
called out, “Yeah? So, what are the words?”
Our armored car arrived earlier than usual, so my deposit wasn’t quite ready. As the
young man waited patiently for me to secure the bag, I said, “Sorry to hold you up.”
“Delay, delay,” he corrected me. “We don’t use that other phrase.” 😳
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest
gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail.
Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark
an hour later, Lauren had enough. “Lizzy!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through
her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror.
Do you have any idea where it is?” After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren
knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over. 😳
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You know, if your counselor catches you using, you could get into big trouble.”
“I don’t plan on discussing it with him.”
Answer: 28 Days!
After she stole a limo and crashed it into a house, Gwen Cummings finds herself forced into rehab. However when she gets there, she’s not willing to change, or even ready to admit that she’s got a drinking problem. This conversation occurs early in the movie, between Gwen and her counselor, before she realizes just how messed up her life really is.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Well, I should probably tell you that I’m taking the bus because I had my driver’s license revoked.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
What phrase is represented below?
Answer: You’re on the right track.
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
As I get closer, my tail grows longer;
As I leave, my tail leads the way.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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