WELCOME to THURSDAY JULY 21, 2022
REALLY BAD PUNAGRAPY…..
Q: What happened to the guy who sued over his missing luggage? A: He lost his case.
Q. What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain? A. I guess we’ll just have to make dew.
Trying to get online at my mother-in-law’s, I scrolled through various Internet access names. One neighbor’s
Wi-Fi really stood out: “You Kids Get Off My LAN!”
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a
well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
Q: Why shouldn’t you visit an expensive wig shop? A: It’s too high a price ‘toupee.’
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A. A nervous wreck.
Q. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A. A buccaneer.
Q. Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? A. Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents!
I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
Q. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
Q. Why can’t you run through a campground? A. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe
Q: How do you put a baby alien to sleep? A: You rocket
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor? A: It wasn’t peeling well
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: Gummybear
Q: What do you call and alligator in a vest? A: An investigator
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever
you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“The website Vice has published a new article profiling items found in the New York’s
subway system’s Lost and Found. The most common thing lost on the subway?
An hour and a half.” -Seth Meyers
“A South Carolina elementary school’s lunch program has added a food truck that serves
the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It’s all in keeping with the school’s
motto: ‘It’s Never Too Early To Give Up.'” -Conan O’Brien
“The 12 boys who were rescued from a cave in Thailand last week are about to be released
from the hospital. They said the first thing they want to eat is KFC. Then their doctor was like,
‘Dear God, haven’t you been through enough?'” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy
in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes and
needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it.
I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search.
“I can’t tell you,” the Navy man said. “That’s classified.” 😳
Wednesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Touching cowboy, touching. Or should I call you Mr. McClane…Mr. Officer John McClane of the New York Police Department?”
Answer: Die Hard!
Flying in on Christmas Eve to try and patch things up with his estranged wife, John McClane finds her, and her whole staff being held hostage by a group of international thieves out to steal $600 million in bonds. McClane becomes their worst nightmare, as he interferes with their plans, killing off a few of them in the process. This quote is delivered over the radio, when the leader of the thieves finally learns the identity of the man giving them so much trouble. John McTiernan directed Bruce Willis, and a wonderfully evil Alan Rickman in this action-packed film.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Walking around like regular people. They don’t see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don’t know they’re dead.”
“How often do you see them?”
“All the time.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
I am bacterial waste, oh yes,
But just what type, can you guess?
Some put me on their fish and chips,
Others on floors to prevent slips.
Some put me on salads, some in stews,
Some on windows, even shoes.
So I’m bacterial waste, oh yes,
But my name can you guess?
Answer: I am VINEGAR, I’ll bet you guessed.
I’m used on food for the taste test.
I’m used as a cleaner on floors, windows & shoes.
And as for the hint, if I’m found in your booze,
Your wine has sat too long and soured, my friend.
And vinegar is all that is left for you at the end.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word. For example, given “The prime minister _ the meeting, even though the was technically the ___ official,” you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
I _ so to his antics that I am no longer __ by them.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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