Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY JULY 26, 2022

The World’s Worst Punagraphy…

  1. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
  2. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
  3. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  4. I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
  5. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  6. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
  7. I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange
    soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
  8. A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.
  9. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
  10. Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at!
  11. What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1
  12. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was
    good but it had no atmosphere.
  13. Can February March? No, but April May.
  14. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
  15. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
  16. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
  17. My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  18. Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.
    19, A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
  19. I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it!
  20. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay,
    but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
  21. So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!
  22. My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found
    out how his Mercedes bends.
  23. Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.
  24. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever
    you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Tomorrow is National Tequila Day. While the day after that is National ‘Janice
From HR Wants to See You in Her Office’ Day.” -Jimmy Fallon

“It’s Shark Week. The Discovery Channel gets big ratings every year for this. Meanwhile,
do you know how many people are killed by sharks every year? I looked this up today.
Five. There are five shark fatalities per year in the world. We are deathly afraid of an
animal that kills fewer people than Tide pods.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A California town recently opened a drive-thru marijuana dispensary, or as they’re
more commonly known, a Taco Bell.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has come from the links.
While he’s driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, “Harry,
what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?”
“Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I’m driving.”
“Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.” 😳😳

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?”

Answer: Armageddon!
A huge asteroid (about the size of Texas) is hurtling towards the Earth, threatening to put an end to all life as we know it. The only way to prevent a collision is to land on the asteroid, drill into its core, and explode a nuclear device to divert its path. A team of world class oil drillers is hired to teach astronauts the procedures, but it is soon decided that there isn’t enough time to teach them properly, and the oil drilling team goes up instead.
Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thorton, Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler starred under Michael Bay’s direction.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I’ll make dinner.”
“I cook the dinners around here.”
“Sorry, not familiar with the outlaw code.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Good luck and I hope you have as much fun solving this teaser as I had in creating it!

  1. The opposite of bald + a person who works with clay, a wheel and a kiln?
  2. A large domesticated pig + an “old wives tale” that if you play with frogs, you will get __?
  3. A common saying at bed time, “It’s time to hit the ?” + an aid that is sometimes used in solving a logic teaser with numerous clues is called a logic __?
  4. The opposite of smart + a round dish used to eat soup or cereal + what a person opens at an entryway?
  5. A determined person is sometimes called______? + the color of coal is _?
  6. A mythological creature with the head and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion + what a person opens at an entryway?
  7. The name of a bird of ill omen + the sharp, curved structure at the end of the toe of a mammal is called a __?
  8. The possessive form of she + not you, but ? + the opposite of off is ? + an association of farmers founded in the United States in 1867 + r?
  9. To make (a person) insane + what is used to row a boat?
  10. Directions on a prescription bottle, “To be taken twice __?” + a person whom the will of God is expressed through?

Answer: 1. Harry Potter (hairy + potter)

  1. Hogwarts (hog + warts)
  2. Hagrid (hay + grid)
  3. Dumbledore (dumb + bowl + door)
  4. Sirius Black (serious + black)
  5. Gryffindor (griffin + door)
  6. Ravenclaw (raven + claw)
  7. Hermione Granger (her + me + on + grange + r)
  8. Dementors (dement + oars)
  9. Daily Prophet (daily + prophet)

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
The doctor said “I think Seaman Jones will have to wait as I am to do the operation as there is .”

Exchange the stars with the same seven letters in the same order in each case.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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