Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY AUGUST 1, 2022

In order to make the world a better place, the following rules
will take immediate effect across the planet.

  1. It is no longer permitted to be stupid and slow. You must choose one or the other.
  2. If in the course of parking your car you are not able to maneuver the vehicle into a space
    in less time than it takes to undergo and recover from open heart surgery,
    it is not permitted to park in that space.
  3. If you are waiting for an elevator that is slow to come and you are the sort of person who
    pushes the call button repeatedly in the belief that it will make a difference,
    you are no longer permitted to use elevators.
  4. Boxes of Christmas cards that carry messages like “May your holidays be wrapped in
    warmth and touched with wonder” must bear a label on the outside of the box saying:
    “Do Not Purchase – Message Inside Is Embarrassing and Sentimental.”
  5. In office buildings and retail premises in which entry is through double doors and one of those
    doors is locked for no reason, the door must bear a large sign saying: “This Door Is Locked for No Reason.”
  6. Liver and goat cheese will no longer be regarded as foods. In fancy restaurants, salads may
    no longer contain anything that can be found growing at the side of any public highway.
  7. When standing in line at a retail establishment, it is not permitted to engage the sales assistant in conversation regarding the weather, the health or personal relationships of mutual acquaintances or other matters not relevant to the purchase.

7a. Anyone who reaches the front of a line and says, “Now what do I want?” and purses his lips
thoughtfully or drums his fingers on his chin while studying the ordering options as if for the
first time will be taken outside and shot.

  1. Any electronic clock on which the time is set by holding down a button and scrolling laboriously
    through the minutes and hours is illegal. Also, when you are trying to set the alarm for, say, 7:00 a.m. and the numbers get to about 6:52 and then suddenly speed up and you discover that you have gone past the desired hour and have to start all over, that is extremely illegal.
  2. All Americans will appreciate irony. Britons will understand that two ice cubes
    in a drink is not nearly enough.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever
you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking
his parents for money. On the bright side, just this year his
student loans were finally paid off.” -Conan O’Brien

“Indonesia’s anti-drug chief is proposing that the country put narcotics offenders
in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food
supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds
like a reality TV show I would totally watch.” -James Corden

“New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it could be beneficial for
women to eat and drink while in labor. Though I don’t think the other people in the
restaurant would be too happy about it.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Harry walked over to the Priest after services, β€œYou know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary
I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just
out of the question.” β€œOh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, β€œdon’t you know?
that’s what recorders are for.” Harry’s face lit up β€œyou mean I could record your sermon?β€πŸ˜³

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I’ll tell you what your problem is, you don’t like me because you’re a racist.”
“What?”
“You’re a racist. You don’t like me because I’m white.”
“I don’t like you because you’re going to get me killed.”

Answer: Die Hard With a Vengeance!
John McClane finds himself trapped in a deadly game of Simon Says with the brother of a terrorist that he’d killed a few years back. Any non-compliance on John’s part will result in the detonation of a bomb, which will kill innocent people. When Simon demands that John walk around Harlem wearing a racist sign, shopkeeper Zeus Carver tries to keep him from being killed on his doorstep. His repayment for this act of kindness is to be bound to McClane, by the terrorist, and forced to join him in his deadly game. This exchange is one of the many exchanges where they show their frustration with each other. Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson and Jeremy Irons starred under John McTiernan’s direction.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I’m gonna ask you a question, and it’s going to sound a little weird, so just think about it. DO you remember me ever being sick?”
“I don’t, I can’t remember.”
“No cold, no fever, no headache…isn’t that a little weird?”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
A donkey behind another donkey
I’m behind that second donkey
But there is a whole nation behind me
It is a murder you can describe in a word.

Answer: Ass ass i nation, Assassination

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
I creep in with feline grace –
Stealthy, silent, gliding –
Adding beauty, mystery, and stillness to all in my path.

My shape is ever-changing:
Pausing and moving, here and there,
A cool caress across your cheek as I slip quietly by.

But my looks are deceiving –
Peril may lurk behind my misty veil.
Slow down, be cautious, or you may abruptly meet with danger there.

What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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