WELCOME to MONDAY AUGUST 15, 2022
Once upPUN a time… Part One…
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it
sank-proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became
a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted
to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar
and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for
the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs Benedict.”
His order comes a while later and it’s served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter,
“What’s with the hubcap?” The waiter sings, “O, there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other,
“Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” Yeah, I’m positive!”
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their
recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. “But why?,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY!
people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“New research shows that China has a bigger middle class than America, and more people
in China are living what we would call the ‘American Dream.’ That’s when you know things
are bad – when even the American DREAM is made in China.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The NFL’s Arizona Cardinals have launched a new competition where fans can win a team
jersey and get their photo on the scoreboard if they eat a burger consisting of five patties,
five hot dogs, five bratwursts, eight slices of bacon, eight chicken tenders, 12 ounces of fries,
lettuce, pickles, sauce, and 20 slices of cheese in under an hour. Said one fan, ‘Ugh, lettuce?'” -Seth Meyers
“Today two men dressed as Batman and Captain America tried to rob someone at a gas station.
They’re being charged with attempted robbery and mixing Marvel with DC.” -Conan O’Brien
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home, and I took my computer down to
the bar to do some work. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, “What’s the wifi password?”
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll have a beer.”
Bartender: “We have Molsons Canadian on tap.”
Me: “Sure. How much is that?”
Me: “Ok. Here you are. What’s the wifi password”
Bartender: “youneedtobuyadrinkfirst, no spaces and all lowercase.” 😳
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
Everyone wanted to know what his initials, T.S., stood for. He told Helen it stood for “Terribly Sexy, but it used to be Terribly Shy.” He told the babysitter that it stood for “Terribly Sad.”
Answer: The World According to Garp!
T.S. Garp was one of many nuts in this cute but strange movie. Glenn Close played his single mother, Jenny Fields. John Lithgow played the cross dressed Roberta Muldoon also. Both Close and Lithgow were nominated for Oscars for their supporting roles. Each deserved the Oscar, but failed to pick one up. If you’re ready for an evening of unique experiences, make sure that you rent this film. We never did find out what T.S. stood for. I think it was Totally Sane!
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You have a girl. Unless I cut the wrong cord.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
What’s this rebus?
Answer: Pie in the sky!
The pi(e) is where the sky should be. The title is a reference
to the meaning of the idiom: an empty wish or promise.
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
The phrase “From the heart” has been known to bring thoughts of love and passion to many. However, if you rearrange the 12 letters, you can come up with two 6 letter words that are opposite of each other, but also bring about thoughts of love and passion to many. What are those two words?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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