Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY AUGUST 19, 2022

A New Language…
The Atlanta School Board has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer
pipeline through Washington, DC, by designating Southern slang, or “Hickphonics”, as a
language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickphone.
The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI (noun). Greeting.

HIRE YEW (complete sentence). Remainder of greeting.
Usage: “Heidi, hire yew?”

BARD (verb). Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow”.
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck”.

JAWJUH (noun). The state north of Florida. The capitol is Lanner.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck”.

BAMMER (noun).The state west of Jawjuh. The capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ lef $20,000,000.00 in improvements”.

MUNTS (noun). A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, an I ain’t herd from him in munts”.

THANK (verb). Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.

BARE (noun). An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops an yeast.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.

IGNERT (adj). Not smart. See “Arkansas native”.
Usage: “Them Bammer boys sure is ignert!”

RANCH (noun). A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage: “I thank I lef my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago”.

ALL (noun). A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck”.

FAR (noun). A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far”.

TAR (noun). A rubber wheel, or a tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tar in Paris sometime”.

RETARD (verb). To stop working.
Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65”.

FAT (noun, verb) A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh”.

RATS (noun). Entitled power or priviledge.
Usage: “We Southerners are willing’ to fat for are rats”.

FARN (adj). Not local.
Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed . . . mus’ be from som farn country”.

DID (adj). Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim”.

EAR (noun). A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: “He cain’t breathe . . . give ‘im some ear!”

BOB WAR (noun). A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence”.

JEW HERE (noun & verb contraction)
Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”

HAZE (a contraction)
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah . . . haze ignert. He aint’ thanked but a minnit ‘n ‘is laf”.

SEED (verb) Past tense of “to see”.

VIEW (contraction; verb & pronoun)
Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City . . . view?”

GUMMIT (noun). A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Them gummit boys shore is ignert”.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A 91-year-old woman in Germany is under investigation for destruction of property
after she tried filling in words on a crossword puzzle on display at an art museum.
If charged, the woman could face time in a four-letter word for enclosure.” -Seth Meyers

“Scientists have discovered that men are genetically programed to look at other women.
So sorry, ladies, it’s science. I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do.” -Conan O’Brien

“Best Buy just purchased a company that provides emergency response services. So, next
time you’re having a heart attack, don’t worry, the Geek Squad will be over tomorrow
between 2:00 and 4:00 to save your life.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him.
He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Doctor once a year for his check-up, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the house.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work hard, and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head…
I think my dog might be in Congress! 😳

Thursday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“We just lost the moon.”

Answer: Apollo 13!
When there was an explosion on the ill-fated Apollo 13 moon mission, the astronauts did not at first realize how serious it was. When Houston suggested shutting down the reactant valves to the fuel cells to preserve energy, the astronauts were devastated because it meant they would not be able to land on the moon. Little did they know how close they would come to never being able to return to Earth, in this amazing, fact-based film.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You, madam, are addressing a man who is in fact quiet, and yet…not quiet.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Below are definitions of words (with the length of the word in parentheses), followed
by a clue for a broken version of the word. For example:

PONDERING (8)…Monarch after dieting.

Would result in the word “THINKING”, which could be broken into “THIN KING”.

Can you decipher the five words below?

Certain Evening (9)…Tiny chess piece
Deed Subjects (10)…Cravats that are suitable
Ne’er-do-well (11)…Onion performing hip-hop music
Hawaiian person, eg. (8)…Confessions of a scandalmonger
Buddhist belief (13)…Flower adorning a horse’s bridle

Answer: 1. WEEKNIGHT…WEE KNIGHT

PROPERTIES…PROPER TIES
RAPSCALLION…RAP SCALLION
ISLANDER…I SLANDER
REINCARNATION…REIN CARNATION

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
I have no mind or a soul.
I’ve been eternally attached since man’s dawn.
My kind disappear on and off,
to everyone I accompany them to their death,
and buried with them, then I hide away when the casket shuts.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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