WELCOME to TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 6, 2022
- Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
- Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot ’round the world.
- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
- A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
- One Christmas, group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
- A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
- These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
- And finally, There was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
P.S. A cat ate a heap of cheese and then say outside a mouse hole, waiting with baited breath.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
10 years ago today I married my best friend. My wife’s still really angry
about it, but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was funny.
One way to find out if you are old is to fall down in front of a bunch of people.
If they laugh you’re still young. If they panic and start running to you… you’re old.
Pro tip: Never be sad on a holiday/weekend. Cry on a workday and get
paid for your depression. Don’t let capitalism win.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and
proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45.”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.” 😳
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re gonna fit right in. Everyone in here is innocent, you know that? Heywood, what you in here for?”
“Didn’t do it.”
Answer: The Shawshank Redemption!
In the events leading up to this scene, young banker Andrew Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is convicted of the murder of his wife and is sent to Shawshank Prison (but is later seen to be innocent). In this scene, when Andy first arrives at the prison, he approaches a group of prisoners and introduces himself to Ellis Boyd “Red” Redding (Morgan Freeman). Red recognizes his name and calls him the “wife-killin’ banker.” Andy protests that he didn’t do it and Red responds with line one. Prisoner Heywood (William Sadler) confirms Red’s evaluation with line two. In the 1995 Academy Awards, “The Shawshank Redemption” was nominated in seven categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “Forrest Gump”). Although this movie was just a modest financial success in theaters, it became one of the most popular video rentals of all time. This movie was adapted from Stephen King’s short story titled “Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“And the answer to your question is, yes – if you fight for me, you get to kill the English.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
Insert the word from group B into the empty spaces in group A.
- Ta__ _ _ __ry
- K__ _ _ __en
- D__ _ _ __le
- S__ _ _ __et
- T__ _ _ __t
Answer: 1. Tapestry (D)
- Kitchen (B)
- Dwindle (E)
- Sherbet (A)
- Tablet (C)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Remove a letter from each of the words below and rearrange the remaining letters to form new words. The 10 words will all fall into a certain category. For example, given the words DEAR, ANGRY, and RENEGE, you could drop the “A” in DEAR to get RED, drop the “N” in ANGRY to get GRAY, and drop an “E” in RENEGE to get GREEN. These would all fall into the category of “Colors”.
If you’re stuck, the hint will name the category. The tough part is getting all 10 words.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.