WELCOME to WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 7, 2022
ENGLISH for TOURISTS
Cocktail lounge, Norway: “LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.”
On an Athi River highway: “TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.”
In a City restaurant: “OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
Hotel, Japan: “YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: “YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS
ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.”
Taken from a menu, Poland: “SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY
DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN
THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.”
Supermarket, Hong Kong: “FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.”
From the “Soviet Weekly”: “THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.”
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: “IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.”
A laundry in Rome: “LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“The owner of an ice cream truck named Snow Cone Joe was arrested for allegedly
stalking his rival truck, called Mr. Ding-a-Ling. It’s being called
the saddest turf war ever.” -Conan O’Brien
“A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey.
I think my dad’s been wearing that cologne for 40 years.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers
understanding hand gestures and learning words. It’s actually a secret IQ test for humans.
If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed.” -Jimmy Kimmel
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.
“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight
and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the
country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.”
“What about your wife?” the friend asked. “What did you buy her?”
“A new lawn mower,” the golfer said. 😳
Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“And the answer to your question is, yes – if you fight for me, you get to kill the English.”
In the events leading up to this scene, William Wallace (Mel Gibson) attempts to unite all the individual fighting groups in 13th-century Scotland into one big army in its battle to overthrow English rule. In this scene, Wallace is trying to persuade Irish fighter Stephen (David O’Hara) to join his army and answers his question with line one. Stephen is satisfied with his answer and replies with line two. This movie tells the mostly true story of Wallace (although documentation about the details is sketchy, at best). In the 1996 Academy Awards “Braveheart” won five Oscars, including Best Picture and Mel Gibson for Best Director and was nominated for five more. One significant deviation from history is that the Battle of Stirling Bridge was shown in the movie as being fought on an open plain. In actuality, a narrow bridge separated the English and Scottish forces. The Scottish waited to attack until the English were only partially across, and the bridge was too narrow for the rest of the English to rapidly cross once the fighting started.
When asked by a local why the battle was filmed on an open plain, Mel Gibson answered, “The bridge got in the way.” “Aye,” the local responded, “That’s what the English found.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I don’t know how you’re holding up, but everything is just beautiful.”
“Yeah, we put on a great funeral here.”
“Maybe I’ll have mine here.”
“Well we give first priority to those who kill themselves in one of our bathrooms.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Remove a letter from each of the words below and rearrange the remaining letters to form new words. The 10 words will all fall into a certain category. For example, given the words DEAR, ANGRY, and RENEGE, you could drop the “A” in DEAR to get RED, drop the “N” in ANGRY to get GRAY, and drop an “E” in RENEGE to get GREEN. These would all fall into the category of “Colors”.
If you’re stuck, the hint will name the category. The tough part is getting all 10 words.
Answer: Like the hint says, the category is “Insects”. The words are:
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
In this teaser you are required to find a word relating to mathematics hiding in
consecutive letters within each sentence. Have fun!
“They knew that they had done the wrong thing.”
Answer: ADD located in: “…hAD Done…”
- The governor gave the budget a cut everywhere possible.
- It is rumoured that Capri men often marry Naples women.
- He drove his new Mustang entirely too recklessly.
- Groucho and Harpo were two of the Marx brothers.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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