Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 28, 2022

Objects of humor…….

  1. I knew a woman who owned a taser. Man, was she stunning!
  2. I meant to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
  3. Did you hear about that great new shovel? It’s ground breaking.
  4. This whiteboard is remarkable.
  5. Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
  6. Two antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.
  7. Writing with a dull pencil is pointless.
  8. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  9. The golfer brought an extra pair of pants in case he got a hole in one.
  10. Why does Peter Pan fly all the time? He Neverlands.
  11. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  12. How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.
  13. I did a performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
  14. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
  15. What would you call a fish with a missing eye? A fsh, probably.
  16. My dog can do magic tricks. It’s a labracadabrador.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“The greatest pleasure of
life is love.” — Euripides

“Life is what we make it, always has been,
always will be.” — Grandma Moses

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon
and wise too late.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Life is about making an impact, not
making an income.” — Kevin Kruse

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games.
26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve
failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

“Every strike brings me closer to the
next home run.” – Babe Ruth

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth.
The other man asked, “Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?”
The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars.”
“I’m sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?”
“Hold on, I’m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the
bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear.”
“Well, you can’t be disappointed with that!”
“Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost
one hundred thousand dollars.”
“Incredible… so how come you look so glum?”
“Well, this week… nothing!” 😳

Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You of all people should know Terry, in your hotel, there’s always someone watching.”

Answer: Ocean’s Eleven!
Julia Roberts delivered this line to Andy Garcia, right after he was robbed by the “Ocean’s Eleven” group. Terry would have traded Tess for all the money! What a guy huh? I would have walked away too Tess!

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“And my fear is… she won’t.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
A man went to a drive through of a bank with his mind set on robbing it. When he pulled up to the window he put a note in the box and sent it to the teller. The note read,

“I have a gun and I am a very dangerous man, if you quietly cooperate I will not shoot. If you don’t I will kill you and the teller next to you. Fill a money bag with as many one hundred dollar bills from the safe as you can fit and bring it back to me quickly.”

The teller nodded, did as the man asked and the man drove quickly away. When the man drove several blocks out of harm’s way, far away from the crime scene, he got out of his car, took the false license plate off and placed the legitimate one back on – so he could not be traced. He threw the false tag and fake gun in the dumpster and headed home. Feeling like he was invincible and could get away with anything, he took a quick peek at his goods – nothing was inside but a bunch of wadded up tissues to give the bag a nice bulge. The man was absolutely beside himself with shock. He considered going back to the bank, but decided it was best not to as the police were probably swarming. So after disposing of the money bag he decided to just head home. Upon arrival at his house he was greeted by 6 police cars and 3 Sheriff cars. He knew there was no way for them to have traced him, so he pulled up into his driveway and got out nonchalantly.

“Hello, officers. What’s going on? This is usually a quiet neighborhood. Need my help with anything?” An officer approached the man and said “Yes sir, I was wondering if I could see your I.D.?” The man saw no problem and politely handed it over. After glancing at the man’s I.D. the officer read him his Miranda Rights and arrested him.

Now, if the man threw away all evidence connecting him to the bank robbery, how was the officer so sure it was him, and how did they know where to find him?

Answer: When the man wrote the note to the teller giving her the instructions, he stupidly wrote it on the back of his own bank statement from another local bank. The officers thought it best to check it out (even though they could not imagine someone being so careless) and got his information from the other bank. They were able to get his name, his address, and his SS#. They drove to the address that was listed on the account and waited for the owner to arrive. When he finally showed up the officer asked to see his I.D. to see if the name and address added up. They did. That was enough evidence for the officer to arrest him.

In case you were wondering: the teller at the bank knew the man would be in a hurry and would not have time to check the bag, as he would probably assume she hit the silent alarm – which she did. The man stupidly asked her to go to the safe specifically (even though they have the money in front of them in a register at the window, so they don’t have to run back and forth to the safe). The teller got smart and instead of going to the safe, she had the perfect opportunity to go to the ladies’ room to get some tissue to fill the bag, give it a bulge, and hit the silent alarm. Needless to say, she got an award from the police department for her quick wit, and the Employee Of The Month award at the bank.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
An elderly pool attendant is starting to get sick of having to open the swimming pool every Monday, so he decides that the pool will remain closed on Mondays from now on. Being of reasonably limited English, he makes up a sign which he hangs from the front gate. What’s special about his sign?

NOW NO SWIMS ON MON

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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