Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY OCTOBER 17, 2022

The difference between ‘Men’ and ‘Guys’

Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.

Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they’ve actually owned since high school.

Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you’re not there when their moms call.

Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.

Men: are experts on women’s erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.

Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pair of socks meant to be worn
with sandals from 2,000 years ago. Scholars say it’s evidence
of the first German tourist.” -Conan O’Brien

“A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when
they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I’m not even
on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually with a pen.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google
Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who
thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them,
and sometimes with good reason.
“What kind of pie do you call this?” asked one student indignantly.
“What’s it taste like?” asked the cook.
“Glue.”
“Then it’s apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap.” 😳

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“If life has taught me anything, it is that 95% of the people are always wrong”

Answer: “The Bucket List”, a 2007 release, is a movie about two terminally ill patients, played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, going on a road trip, trying to fulfill a wish-list of things they’d like to do before they die. This quote is said to Carter, played by Morgan Freeman, while flying to Nepal. They were discussing the matter of faith. It’s filled with aphorisms such as this. The National Board of Review named it one of the top ten films of the year.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“All I do is dream of you the whole night through; with the dawn I still go on, dreaming of you. You’re every thought, you’re everything, you’re every song I ever sing; summer, winter, autumn and spring. And were there more than twenty-four hours a day; they’d be spent in sweet content dreaming away; when skies are grey, when skies are blue; morning, noon and night time too; all I do the whole day through is dream of you.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
We are many guards of a precious gate
Sometimes we lean backward and sometimes we stand straight
Some of us are short and some are tall
We never quit the fight but we might fall
We wear war paint and cover in black
We always defend but never will attack

Answer: Eye lashes

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Five friends recently entered a poetry writing competition. Each chose a different title for his or her piece and took a different length of time to compose it. Can you discover the full name of each poet, the title of his or her work and the amount of time he or she spent on its construction?

  1. Mandy took two hours longer over her piece of work than the author of ‘Gentle Lady’, who spent longer writing a poem than the person surnamed Chester.
  2. ‘Mark of Cain’ (coincidentally written by the man named Mark) took less time to write than Miss Holford’s piece, which isn’t entitled ‘Garden of Desire’.
  3. George wrote ‘Capital Charisma’ and the poet surnamed Willis penned a futuristic poem entitled ‘Final Frontiers’ which, incidentally, won first prize in the competition.
  4. The poet surnamed Jork took an hour longer to write an entry than Mrs Clayton spent at her creation.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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