Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!



Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one’s enemies.
Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman
to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a
light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate
is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you
drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers – Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in
its leather sheath and worn on a homeowner’s belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light – A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of
a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re
working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone – The handyman’s 911.

Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principle to harnessing the power
of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow
to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you
accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the
job you’re doing or offer advice.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has
any luggage. The Photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never
served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.

Remember; Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there’s a 90 per cent probability you’ll get it wrong

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because
he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage
at the front desk and went immediately to eat.
After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten
his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, “My name is
Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?”
“Certainly,” said the clerk. “You’re in the lobby.” 😳😳

Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
The declaration of “I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine.”

Answer: “Misery”
Kathy Bates delivered those lines perfectly as Annie Wilkes. She was “the biggest fan” of author Paul Sheldon (played by James Caan) but her intentions were more self-centered than just nurturing him back to health. Indeed he should have been worried as “Annie” was determined to influence his writing – in a most bizarre way. The film “Misery” was based on a novel by Stephen King of the same name. King has said it was among his favorite film adaptations. No wonder! It was the first film – and, for many years – the only film based on a Stephen King novel to win an Academy Award; Kathy Bates won the Best Actress Award for her portrayal of scary nurse, Annie Wilkes. The film’s collective talent did not stop with King and Bates, it was directed by Rob Reiner, William Goldman did the screenwriting and it also featured James Caan, Lauren Bacall, Richard Farnsworth, Graham Jarvis and Frances Sternhagen. Movie fun fact: À la Alfred Hitchcock, Rob Reiner did a cameo appearance in his film. Reiner is the helicopter pilot seen with the Police Chief as they search for the missing Paul Sheldon (James Caan’s character); it is a quick shot of Reiner.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You had me at ‘hello'”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
What expression is hidden here?

time+time you dough manipulation take take pets take take step step

Answer: Sometimes you need to take one step backwards to take two steps forwards
Sometimes: time+time = sum times or ‘sometimes’
you need: dough manipulation = knead or ‘need’
to take: take take = two take or ‘to take’
one step backwards: pets = step written backwards once
to take: as above
two steps forwards: step step = step written forwards twice

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
You are given five words and five definitions. Each of the words can be anagrammed into a two word phrase that fits one of the definitions. Your task is to assign each definition to its corresponding word. Example – cobalt: to hit a feline in a high arc (cat lob).

Words: atmosphere, dimension, equivalent, imperative, networks

a silent belly button
cross-country skiing
Dracula’s neckwear
those who detest rhyming verse
voice in the head

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. ​


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