Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY NOVEMBER 14, 2022

Here’s The Story…..
A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.

The two Americans just stare at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.

“Parlare Italiano?” No response.

“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says,
“Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”

“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four foreign languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I saw a new study that says that eating over 1,500 pieces of candy corn could
actually, kill you. Which shouldn’t be a problem since the current record for
eating a piece of candy corn is two.” -Jimmy Fallon

“It was National Stress Awareness day today and due to the election, plenty of
people have something to be stressed about. In fact, when asked on a scale of
one to 10 how stressed they are right now, most voters punched
the pollster in the face.” -James Corden

“A skydiver uploaded a video of himself jumping out of a plane and solving a
Rubik’s cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it,
the funeral was open casket.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Little Johnny’s mother overheard him reciting his homework: “Two plus two, the
son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch…”
“Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Watch your language! You’re not allowed to use those kinds of words.”
“But, Mom,” replied the boy, “that’s what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it.”
Next day Johnny’s mother called the teacher to complain. “Oh, heavens,” said the teacher. “That’s not what
I taught them. They’re supposed to say, ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.'” 😳😳😳😳

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You wouldn’t kill me… you’d miss me.”

Answer: James Bond!
The movie is “The World is Not Enough” with Pierce Brosnan as the super spy 007. While Robert Carlyle’s Victor “Renard” Zokas is busy installing plutonium into a submarine’s reactor to destroy the city of Istanbul, James Bond is being slowly tortured to death by Elektra (Sophie Marceau). Bond escapes the trap and pursues Elektra up a tower. Elektra rushes to the bedroom and stops just short of a lavish mattress where she delivers her sultry “come-on”. First impressions were that the mattress would tug at Bond’s weakness for the flesh, but this Bond is made of sterner stuff.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“They’ve been de-kaffir-nated.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Waldo was wandering the city of San Francisco. It was a sunny September day, and the city was overflowing with tourists and locals out walking with their dogs, many wearing red.

Suddenly, a child touched Waldo’s head. Seconds later, Waldo found himself in the Sahara Desert, and again a child touched his head. What was happening?

Answer: The child who touched Waldo’s head had found Waldo, and moved on to the next page.
The “Where’s Waldo” series of books is very popular with school children. On every page, a jolly character named Waldo is hidden amongst giant groups of people. He is always dressed in red and white stripes, as are many of those around him.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Five veterans were sitting around a bar swapping war stories. From the information provided, determine each veteran’s branch of service, the year each was born, and each person’s current career.

  1. The teacher was born in 1971.
  2. The architect was born the year before Art Smith.
  3. Susan Wilson, who served in the Coast Guard, is a year younger than the veteran who is now a nurse.
  4. The Navy veteran, who wasn’t born in 1970, isn’t Mary Jones who now practices law.
  5. The Army vet, who has published several books about the war, is neither Bill Johnson nor the oldest of the group.
  6. The former Marine, who was born in 1969, isn’t Art Smith or Mary Jones.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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