Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY NOVEMBER 28, 2022

Date Excuses
Hopefully you’ve never had these used on you, but this is a list of excuses to use if someone
asks you out and you don’t know how to say no. And a helpful hint to anyone who has heard
one of these excuses when asking someone on a date – it is very likely they have absolutely
no interest in going out with you.

I have to floss my cat.
I’ve dedicated my life to linguini.
I want to spend more time with my blender.
The President said he might drop in.
The man on television told me to say tuned.
I’ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I’m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
It’s my parakeet’s bowling night.
It wouldn’t be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I’m building a pig from a kit.
I did my own thing and now I’ve got to undo it.
I’m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
There’s a disturbance in the Force.
I’m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
I have to go to the post office to see if I’m still wanted.
I’m teaching my ferret to yodel.
I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I’m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
I’m planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
My crayons all melted together.
I’m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
I’m in training to be a household pest.
I’m getting my overalls overhauled.
My patent is pending.
I’m attending the opening of my garage door.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

You have power over your mind – not outside events.
Realize this, and you will find strength. Marcus Aurelius

There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is
pushing down, the other is pulling up. Booker T. Washington

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop
your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide
not to surrender, that is strength. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my
strength lies solely in my tenacity. Louis Pasteur

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A lady came in for a routine physical at the doctor’s office . “Here”, said
the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over
there on your right. The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.” A few
minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container
and a relieved look on her face. “Thanks! But they had a toilet in there,
so I didn’t need this after all!” 😳😳😳

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“None of you understand. I’m not locked up in here with you. You’re locked up in here with me!”

Answer: “Watchmen” (2009)
The setting is 1985 and the government has cracked down on costumed vigilantes, their days appeared to be numbered. However, for one of the Watchmen his days are done. Edward Blake a.k.a. “The Comedian” (played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) has been murdered and Rorschach decides to start his own investigation into the affair. However, a far more diabolical scheme is at play here and, as Rorschach starts to get close to the truth he is set-up and thrown into jail. The problem for Rorschach is that most of the prisoners in the cells around him are in there because of him. They immediately begin to taunt him and issue all manner of threats. That’s when the outburst in the cafeteria occurs.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Go ahead, make my day”

Friday’s Quizzler is….
Each statement describes two words that when fused together create a new unrelated word (not a compound word). The clues do not necessarily indicate in which order the two words are attached. Example: This is the oldness of a tablet (pill + age = pillage).

1) This is a royal golf score.
2) This is what you get from a bovine tongue.
3) This is a distant object.
4) This is a country of water barriers.

Answer: 1) par + king = parking
2) cow + lick = cowlick
3) far + thing = farthing
4) dam + nation = damnation

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Henry has been caught stealing cattle, and is brought into town for justice. The judge is his ex-wife Gretchen, who wants to show him some sympathy, but the law clearly calls for two shots to be taken at Henry from close range. To make things a little better for Henry, Gretchen tells him she will place two bullets into a six-chambered revolver in successive order. She will spin the chamber, close it, and take one shot. If Henry is still alive, she will then either take another shot, or spin the chamber again before shooting.

Henry is a bit incredulous that his own ex-wife would carry out the punishment, and a bit sad that she was always such a rule follower. He steels himself as Gretchen loads the chambers, spins the revolver, and pulls the trigger. Whew! It was blank. Then Gretchen asks, “Do you want me to pull the trigger again, or should I spin the chamber a second time before pulling the trigger?”

What should Henry choose?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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