Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY NOVEMBER 29, 2022

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which
the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.

  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
  3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
  7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
  10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
  11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
  12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A new scientific study shows rats are capable of laughter if they are
tickled the correct way. The rats were like, ‘Why aren’t
you trying to cure cancer?'” -Seth Meyers

“In the U.K., they’re launching an official Quidditch League, with eight
teams competing across the country. It’s the first sports league where
everyone has an equal chance of being a loser.” -Conan O’Brien

“McDonald’s is unveiling something called a Nutella burger at its locations
in Italy. This goes against the traditional way of eating Nutella, which is
with two fingers in the dark while crying at 3 a.m.” -James Corden

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer, I drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles.
The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it.
If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams
come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” 😳😳

Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Go ahead, make my day”

Answer: Sudden Impact (1983)
Callahan, at the start of this film, interrupts a robbery and shoots three of the robbers. The fourth takes a waitress hostage and threatens to kill the woman. Undeterred, Callahan points his pistol at the villain and utters the immortal line. The thief chickens out and surrenders. Callahan has cause to repeat the phrase at the end of the movie when a rapist threatens Callahan’s girlfriend with a shotgun. This time the perpetrator doesn’t surrender and he makes Callahan’s day.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he’s John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Henry has been caught stealing cattle, and is brought into town for justice. The judge is his ex-wife Gretchen, who wants to show him some sympathy, but the law clearly calls for two shots to be taken at Henry from close range. To make things a little better for Henry, Gretchen tells him she will place two bullets into a six-chambered revolver in successive order. She will spin the chamber, close it, and take one shot. If Henry is still alive, she will then either take another shot, or spin the chamber again before shooting.

Henry is a bit incredulous that his own ex-wife would carry out the punishment, and a bit sad that she was always such a rule follower. He steels himself as Gretchen loads the chambers, spins the revolver, and pulls the trigger. Whew! It was blank. Then Gretchen asks, “Do you want me to pull the trigger again, or should I spin the chamber a second time before pulling the trigger?”

What should Henry choose?

Answer: Henry should have Gretchen pull the trigger again without spinning.
We know that the first chamber Gretchen fired was one of the four empty chambers. Since the bullets were placed in consecutive order, one of the empty chambers is followed by a bullet, and the other three empty chambers are followed by another empty chamber. So if Henry has Gretchen pull the trigger again, the probability that a bullet will be fired is 1/4. If Gretchen spins the chamber again, the probability that she shoots Henry would be 2/6, or 1/3, since there are two possible bullets that would be in firing position out of the six possible chambers that would be in position.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Boy: Can I dig a hole?
Dad: Well sure, why not?
Boy: Can I climb a tree?
Dad: Yes, sir!
Boy: Can I jump off the roof?
Dad: Of course!
Boy: Can I fly in the sky?
Dad: Yes, son, you can!
Boy: Can I go into space?!
Dad: Erm. No, I’m sorry, son. You can’t do that.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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