Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY DECEMBER 9, 2022

As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with modern man. His descendants are with
us even today, passing for full-blooded Homo sapiens.
If you suspect a “touch of the old hand ax” in your ancestry, score yourself on this test:

Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself five points.
Can you lock your knees in an upright position? If not, take five points.
Got a chin? If the answer is no, add three points.
How about a forehead? If not, add another three points.
Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? Then give yourself five points.
Do you ever open Coke bottles with your teeth? If you do, add ten points.
Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels than sitting in a chair? Take five points.
Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, add one point for every five degrees of slope.
Less than five feet tall? Add one point for every inch under.
If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add one point for every inch of difference.
Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
Pigeon-toed? Five points.
Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club? You’re normal–no points.
Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big enough to hold an apple? Add five points.
Do you regularly eat apples in this way? Add fifteen points.
Do people think you’re wearing your hair in a bun when you’re not? Give yourself ten points.
Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and an overcoat? Take five more points.
Is your nickname “Duke”, “Butch”, or “Animal”? Three points.

Scroll down for your score…
Scoring:
0-20 points:
You are a virtually pure Homo sapiens. Feel free to build bridges, compose symphonies, and overrun the world.

20-40 points:
A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally have spells of primitive behavior,
crawling around on all fours and whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one will notice.

40-60 points:
You can still function quite well in the modern world, but avoid eating in fancy restaurants
lest your table manners give you away.

60-80 points:
Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider a career in pro football.

80-100 points:
Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no place for you in human society.
Try running for public office instead.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND! people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is
always beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down
quietly, may alight upon you.” –Nathaniel Hawthorne

“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t
understand it well enough.” –Albert Einstein

“Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.” –Anonymous

“Do one thing every day that
scares you.” –Anonymous

“What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try
to do something remarkable.” –Anonymous

“Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about
creating yourself.” –Lolly Daskal

“Nothing in the world is more common than
unsuccessful people with talent.” –Anonymous

“Knowledge is being aware of what you can do.
Wisdom is knowing when not to do it.” –Anonymous

“Your problem isn’t the problem. Your
reaction is the problem.” –Anonymous

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future.
He gets into a taxi and the driver says, “How are you this fine day?”
“I’m the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can’t wait to go out
there and see what the world has in store for me.” “Congratulations,” said the driver reaching
back to shake the young man’s hand. “I’m Mitch. Harvard Class of ’79.” 😳😳😳

Thursday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!”

Answer: Life of Brian!
In the film, Terry Jones plays Brian’s mother (amongst other roles) and is addressing a crowd who have gathered in front of their house proclaiming Brian to be their Messiah. The full title of the film is “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”, hence the photo of a python. All answers were films made by the Monty Python comedy team.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is fine, as long as it’s contained.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….
What one three-letter word can be inserted in all three blanks below to make two words in each row?

LIS___TACLE
HAS___DON
OF___DER

Answer: TEN:
LISTEN TENTACLE
HASTEN TENDON
OFTEN TENDER

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except
for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) to wriggle
1b) a member of the British gentry
1c) a small forcible stream of liquid

2a) this color is a blend of red and yellow darkened by black
2b) the top of the head
2c) to cover with water

3a) more recent
3b) rubbish
3c) a written communication

4a) very common color
4b) a high-pitched plaintive cry
4c) although

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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