Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY DECEMBER 19, 2022

The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble
with the English Language?

Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND! people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I find that when you have a real interest in life and a
curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing.”
–Martha Stewart

“It’s not what you look at that matters,
it’s what you see.” –Anonymous

“The road to success and the road to failure are
almost exactly the same.” –Colin R. Davis

“The function of leadership is to produce more leaders,
not more followers.” –Ralph Nader

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking
how you do it.” –Maya Angelou

“As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be
those who empower others.” –Bill Gates

“A real entrepreneur is somebody who has no safety net
underneath them.” –Henry Kravis

“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse
to be a captive of the environment in which you first find
yourself.” –Mark Caine

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it’s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

— Sauce unknown 😳😳😎

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You had an affair with a girl who threatened to kill herself, and now there is a presence in our house.”

Answer: What Lies Beneath!
When Claire, (Michelle Pfeiffer) starts to hear and see things in her home, her husband (Harrison Ford) writes it off as stress and urges her to see a therapist. Claire’s investigations lead her to confront her husband, who finally admits to having an affair, but isn’t yet ready to tell her the whole truth.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“The search for the Grail is the search for the divine in all of us. But if you want facts Indy, I’ve none to give you. At my age I’m prepared to take a few things on faith.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….
Can you figure out what words are represented by the following?

Iron + M + Iodine + Nickel + Neon
M + Arsenic + Copper + Lithium + Neon
Iron + M + Aluminum + E
Tungsten + Oxygen + M + A + Nitrogen
Germanium + Nitrogen + Thallium + E + M + A + Nitrogen
Lanthanum + Dysprosium

Answer: Iron=Fe
Iodine=I
Nickel=Ni
Neon=Ne
Arsenic=As
Copper=Cu
Lithium=Li
Aluminum=Al
Tungsten=W
Oxygen=O
Nitrogen=N
Germanium=Ge
Thallium=Tl
Lanthanum=La
Dysprosium=Dy

Fe+M+I+Ni+Ne=feminine
M+As+Cu+Li+Ne=masculine
Fe+M+Al+E=female
W+O+M+A+N=woman
Ge+N+Tl+E+M+A+N=gentleman
La+Dy=lady

All of the words describe females or males.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Which letter comes next in the series?

S, M, H, D, W, M, ?

Pick from:

L
V
Y
T
D

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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