WELCOME to TUESDAY MARCH 7, 2023
Mistakes on a resume…..
These are from actual resumes:
“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice.
I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”
“I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and
I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be
so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it
be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial
management as the major sphere of responsibility.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”
“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”
“Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t
forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“I believe we are here on the planet Earth to live, grow up and do what we
can to make this world a better place for all people to enjoy freedom.” — Rosa Parks
“Being happy never goes out of style.” — Lilly Pulitzer
“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told,
forgot – it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make
sure that my experiences are positive.” — Maya Angelou
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named “T-Square”, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named “Slide Rule”. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog “Measure” was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.
All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, “What can your dog do?”. The Teamster called his dog whose name was “Coffee Break” and said, “Show the fellows what you can do”. Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen’s Compensation and left for home on sick leave. 😳😳😳
Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re not trying to draw a psycho pension…you really are crazy!”
Answer: Lethal Weapon!
On his 50th birthday Sergeant Murtaugh is assigned a new partner, Sergeant Martin Riggs. The problem is that since the death of his wife Riggs has been a bit of a crazy man. Half the department thinks he’s really psychotic and suicidal, and the other half thinks he’s faking it. Murtaugh hands Riggs his gun and tells him to make a stand one way or another. This comment was made when Murtaugh realizes that Riggs probably would have gone ahead and killed himself. Richard Donner directed this action-packed, funny series of films that starred Danny Glover and Mel Gibson.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“That’s why he had asthma…it can’t be luck. His lungs were closed. His lungs were closed! No poison got in…his lungs were closed.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
As the class settled in for another day filled with various lessons, Ms. Frogster instructed everyone to put their books away as they were going to do something a bit different again today. She then handed a stack of papers to Frogella and instructed her to hand one to each student. Once this had been done, Ms. Frogster explained to the class what they were to do with the strange looking list they were given.
“Class, you will see that you have a list of several different clues which, when solved, will tell you what you will need to complete today’s assignment. Today, we are finishing the Christmas Scavenger Hunt! First, you must figure out what each numbered set of clues refer to in order to come up with the Christmas articles which are hidden about the classroom. If everyone is ready, let’s get set and begin!”
- Ch + opposite of her + part of the leg that bends between the lower leg and the thigh.
- Opposite of South + a totem __.
- Farm animals raised on a farm are called live____ + a male sovereign or monarch.
- _ goes the weasel + a yellow vegetable that can be eaten on the cob + tightly stretched cords/wires that produce tones on a guitar.
- Another word for the Christmas season + book in which the records of a ship are kept.
- A pungent tropical plant used as a spice + a type of food made with flour and yeast and usually used to make a sandwich + word for a building in which people live.
- A chicken lays an _ + a wooden peg or pin.
ANSWER: 1. Chimney (ch + him + knee)
- North Pole (North + pole)
- Stocking (stock + king)
- Popcorn Strings (pop + corn + strings)
- Yule Log (yule + log)
- Gingerbread House (ginger + bread + house)
- Egg Nog (egg + nog)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
The following three (3) clues are the definitions of words that have been jumbled below and turned into anagrams. Your job is to correctly unravel the anagrams and then place them next to their proper definition. Good luck!
- hanging cloth used as a blind.
- a strong English ale.
- destined or inevitable.
- nice rat
- car unit
- rub not
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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