Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to WEDNESDAY MARCH 15, 2023

How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale –*

Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner…as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast,
because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.
Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget
the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off…to your advantage.
Always go to the bathroom first.
Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
Don’t eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you’ve weighed in, completely naked, of course.
Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your
other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least
two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDEFUL WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t
forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you
have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.” –George Carlin

“Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract
instead of under observation.” –Walter Winchell

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside
of a dog it’s too dark to read.” –Groucho Marx

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Top 10 Strange Competitions –*

Extreme Ironing
Cheese Rolling
Curling
Rock Paper Scissors World Championship
Air Guitar Championships
Nettle-eating Championships
The World Beard and Mustache Championships
World Pea Shooting Championships
World Gurning Championship
Wife Carrying

Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You’re insane!”
“I thought I was a Pisces.”

Answer: Batman!
After he fell (or was dropped) into a vat of chemicals, petty criminal Jack Napier got a whole lot more dangerous, and a whole lot crazier. He’s set his sights on killing Batman, and wooing the beautiful Vicki Vale, who doesn’t really want to have much to do with him!

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“In Europe it’s not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed.”
“That’s why I’m proud to be an American.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Once again, the Booker Prize panel are sitting. And again an excerpt from a book has some key words missing.
Can you fill in the blanks so the story makes sense and also spot the connection between them?

Mr. Ix was speeding through the streets of Wimbledon, when he was pulled over by a police officer.
“It isn’t my !” wailed Mr. Ix noisily. “It you right,” replied the officer.
“Will it come to ?” Ix inquired. “If you keep up this it will,” the officer replied severely.
“It is not as if I gained any ,” Ix said ____edly. “I would to _ you off with a caution,” admitted the officer, “but I can’t allow you through the _ on this one,” he continued.

ANSWER: Mr. Ix was speeding through the streets of Wimbledon, when he was pulled over by a police officer.
“It isn’t my FAULT!” wailed Mr. Ix noisily.
“It SERVES you right,” replied the officer.
“Will it come to COURT?” Ix inquired.
“If you keep up this RACKET it will,” the officer replied severely.
“It is not as if I gained any ADVANTAGE,” Ix said POINTedly.
“I would LOVE to LET you off with a caution,” admitted the officer, “but I can’t allow you through the NET on this one,” he continued.

FAULT
SERVES
COURT
RACKET
ADVANTAGE
POINT
LOVE
LET
NET
These are all terms used in the game of tennis.
A famous tennis competition is held annually in Wimbledon.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
People always said that the Vagner twins, Vance and Vinnie, had only one whole brain between them. After a freak accident at the county spelling bee cost Vinnie an “I”, he formally changed his name to “Vince” and became quite studious. Although he was hardly the top of his class, he at least managed to avoid ever wearing the dunce cap again, leaving that recognition to his brother.
One day, both boys were talking out of turn in class. The teacher decided to keep them busy building a word chain. It took them half an hour, but each finally managed to complete his portion of the chain, linking his own name to the word at the other end. Can you complete the chain from BRAIN to DUNCE, using VINCE and VANCE as a bridge near the end? Change one letter at a time, making a common five-letter word at each step.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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