WELCOME to WEDNESDAY May 24, 2023
Mother’s dictionary
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even
though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your
last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children
in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins
to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY!, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan
by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago.” -Conan O’Brien
“A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in order to ask
a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the prom-posal, and look forward
to seeing them together on prom night when they arrest them for underage drinking.” -James Corden
“A 120-pound Texas woman set a new competitive eating record yesterday after she ate three
72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three shrimp cocktails, three salads, and three dinner
rolls in 20 minutes. Or as they call it in Texas, a kids meal.” -Seth Meyers
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though
I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
“Can I talk to a real person?” a caller asked.
“I am real,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the caller said. “That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could
I talk to someone who actually knows something?”😳😳
Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“My dad believed in you. I’m not gonna make the same mistake.”
Answer: Top Gun: Maverick!
In 2022’s mega-blockbuster hit “Top Gun: Maverick” (the movie that “saved the film industry”), Tom Cruise reprised his role Captain Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, and once again is tasked with teaching the Top Gun class how to become expert fighter pilots. In this scene he has arranged for the cancellation of one of the pilots’ Naval Academy Application, for reasons kept from that pilot. He tells the pilot that that he needs to trust his own instincts, that he shouldn’t think, he should just do. “You think up there, you’re dead. Believe me” he tells him. To which the young pilot charges: “My dad believed in you. I’m not gonna make the same mistake”; this charge stings harshly because the young pilot blames Maverick for letting his father down in the most serious way possible.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Basically, our best-selling product is the hand grenade.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
What word has the letters “spb”, next to each other, in that order?
Answer: Raspberries or raspberry
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Insert one word in each pair to link the two words together. The end of the first word is the beginning of the second.
- Rain___Tie
- Tooth__Tale
- Sea____Hole
- Circuit__Yard
- Third___Board
- Stone__Flower
- High___Star
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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The World According to the Eucman! 