WELCOME to FRIDAY JANUARY 2nd, 2026
Favorite Police Emergency Calls:
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey?
I’ve never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police. 😮😮
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier
- and people who live in trees make more cookies.” -Seth Meyers
“Wal-Mart is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout line.
Currently that service is known as shoplifting.” -Conan O’Brien
“Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they’ve gone natural. I first assumed
that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have
removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese
recipe. I don’t get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of
orange dust was a technically a recipe.” -Stephen Colbert
VISIT MY ELECTRONIC STORE FOR GREAT SALES: https://xgcspc-vw.myshopify.com/
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
My wife is a very adventurous cook. “How does this sound?” she called out from the kitchen.
“Bonito, surimi, and anchovies in a decadent, silky broth.”
“Sounds delicious,” I hollered back. “Is that what we’re having tonight?”
“No. I’m reading from this packet of cat food.” 😮😂🤣
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!
What is the name of the bestial thug portrayed by Alex Karras in Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles”?
Answer: Mongo! Playing the cartoon figure with super strength and super gullibility, Karras’ Mongo was the plot twister who switched sides (“Because no one had ever bested Mongo before”) after recieving a candygram bomb (just like in many of the Warner Bros. cartoons) and gave hope that the good side would persevere in thwarting the evil Hedley Lamarr’s (Harvey Korman’s) efforts to destroy the town, Rock Ridge.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!
What city gets destroyed in “Earth V the Flying Saucers”?
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Five avid scrapbookers from Acres get together every weekend to swap page ideas and discuss the progress that they have made on their scrapbooks during the week. Each scrapbooker focuses on a different event, uses a different colour and a different embellishment. Using the clues below, determine the first and last names of each scrapbooker, the event they focused on, the colour they used, and their preferred embellishment.
- Stella didn’t do a wedding page. One of the men preferred to use the chalking technique for his page.
- Arthur and Stella do not like using tags. The person who did the birthday page thought the colour purple accented their pictures perfectly.
- Mrs. Moss hates using the colour red, regardless of the topic of her pages. Maria’s last name isn’t Harris and she has never done a vacation page.
- The person who did the wedding page, whose last name wasn’t Enfield, was excited about using eyelets for the first time. The person who did a yellow new baby page wasn’t Ruth, but their last name is Harris.
- The five scrapbookers (in no particular order) are: Maria Steele, the man who did the birthday page, the person who used the stamping technique, the one who was pleased with their green page, and Ruth.
- Shane’s last name is not Harris and blue would not have looked right on his page. Red was the perfect colour for the wedding page though, as it is associated with love.
- Stella McKee took so many pictures when she moved into her first house that she just had to use them for her page.
Answer: Arthur Harris did a new baby page in yellow using stamps.
Maria Steele did a wedding page in red using eyelets.
Ruth Moss did a vacation page in blue using tags.
Shane Enfield did a birthday page in purple using chalk.
Stella McKee did a new house page in green using die cuts.
Friday’s Quizzler is….😎😎
Colin Hammond was working in his study before dinner. As he sat at his desk filling out paperwork, the door behind him opened slowly and silently. Peter Wall was in the room with the door closed behind him before Hammond became aware of his presence.
Hammond stood to confront the intruder. “What are you doing here?” He inquired, trying to conceal his annoyance at the intruder’s presence in his private office.
“What do you think I’m doing here?” Wall answered with another question.
“Any business we have will be handled at our appointment this evening. Please leave right now and come back later as I asked you to do. How did you get up here, anyway? The doors are all locked and nobody gets by my guard, Bruce. Get out of here!”
“Not just yet. Do you know how much it hurt me to discover that my own brother-in-law planned to turn me in to the police?”
“You embezzled the firm’s money! I would never have let you join the firm if you hadn’t been Diana’s brother! I never trusted you, but I always thought that you were simply incompetent, not a thief.”
“Thief? I deserved that money by putting up with your arrogance all these years. I am not going to jail for simply taking something I earned!” Wall punctuated his statement by producing a revolver from his pocket.
“Don’t be a fool, Peter! Put that stupid gun away!”
As Peter Wall drew a threatening aim on his brother-in-law’s heart, there came a pounding on the office door.
“Sir! Mr. Hammond, sir! It is I, Bruce. I heard voices. Is everything all right?”
Wall yanked the door open and jerked the astonished butler into the room.
“Too bad you had to interfere, Bruce; now you’ll have to go too. Too bad; goodbye, Bruce.”
The two shots that killed Bruce and Colin Hammond were fired.
Wall muttered to himself, “All right, take both wallets… that big jeweled ring… anything else? Bruce has nothing more. Empty the drawers. Ransack everything as a proper robber should, and then descend out the window.”
Three men descended the stairs toward the front foyer after investigating at the scene of violence on the second floor of the Hammond home.
“A clear case of robbery, I think, Mr. Johnson,” Inspector Lewis said. “It would seem that the unfortunate Mr. Hammond and the butler Bruce stumbled upon the intruder and it cost both of them their lives.”
“That is the obvious explanation, Inspector… you did say that it was Mrs. Hammond, Colin Hammond’s wife, who found the bodies?” Detective Gregory Johnson asked.
“Yes, sir, Mrs. Diana Hammond,” replied Inspector Lewis. “She found them very much where you saw them yourselves.”
“That must have been quite a shock for the lady,” Mr. Wilson interjected. “Where is she now?”
“Upstairs in her room with a police physician,” the Inspector answered. “Excuse me, but I must go back upstairs and assist at the scene. I should not have bothered you with such an obvious case of murder associated with robbery. Have no doubt, sir, we will find the murderer.”
“I’m sure you will, Inspector,” Johnson agreed. “Let us be about our business, Mr. Wilson.”
“Thank you, gentlemen,” Inspector Lewis said. “Could you please show yourselves out?”
“Very well,” Mr. Wilson called to the Inspector, turning back towards the murder scene.
As Mr. Johnson opened the front door, he found himself confronted by a dismayed stranger.
“Who are you?” the stranger asked.
“Why, I’m Detective Gregory Johnson and this is my friend and colleague, Mr. Wilson. Who are you, if we might ask?”
“I am Peter Wall and I have an appointment with my brother-in-law, Colin Hammond. What are you people doing here?”
“I regret that I have to tell you that your brother-in-law is dead,” explained Johnson.
“Oh my!? What happened?”
“I’m afraid that he was murdered,” Johnson explained.
“Oh my God! Murdered? Who could have done such a horrid thing?”
“There seems to have been a robbery, Mr. Wall.”
“Oh no! Where is my sister? Is she all right?”
“Yes, Mrs. Diana Hammond is upstairs in her room with a physician. She was not injured. The police are upstairs, but their investigation of the scene is nearly finished and there shouldn’t be a problem with your going upstairs to speak with sister now, if you wish to do so.”
“The police are still here? I would like to talk to them and see what progress they are making in this horrible matter! Is my brother-in-law still here? Have they removed the bodies yet?”
“The police are still in Mr. Hammond’s office upstairs. You should ask for Inspector Lewis, who is in charge of the investigation. Actually, when you see him, would you please ask him to come see me? I would like to have a word with him.”
Within three minutes after Peter Wall vanished up the stairs, Inspector Lewis appeared in the foyer.
“Lewis, this crime might not be a simple as we had thought,” Johnson suggested. “I believe that we are faced with a case of cold-blooded, premeditated murder. I strongly suggest that you interrogate the dead man’s brother-in-law, Mr. Wall. I have reason to believe that he, and not some nameless burglar, had a hand in this gruesome matter.”
Why did Detective Johnson think Mr. Wall was part of the crime?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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