WELCOME to Friday, September 15, 2017.
Here’s the story……
Because of the reaction people have when they wake up and realize it’s a workday again
and the weekend is over, the first day of the week is called Moanday.
Many people too busy to cook on the second day of the week just open a can of beans.
Hence the day is known as Tootsday.
By the third day of the week, people are wondering when they can ever find the time to
get everything done this week that they need to, hence the day is known as Whensday.
Too bleary to even count properly, people think it’s only Day Three of the week on the
next day, therefore it’s er- roneously called Thirdsday.
On the last day of the workweek, people often go out “for a few” after work. By the time
they get home, they’re too tired to cook anything elaborate, so they just throw a piece of
meat, chicken, or fish in the skillet. That’s why the day is known as Fryday.
Saturday night all the singles let loose. There’s a lot of hijinks. It’s pretty obvious why the day is called Satyrday.
And on the last day of the week–and the weekend–people look at all the items on their to-do lists that didn’t get crossed off, groan aloud, and make themselves promises they won’t keep. Therefore the day is called Soonday.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Artichokes … are just plain annoying … After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual ‘food’ out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead.” — Miss Piggy
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” –Sam Levinson
“This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.” — Gracie Allen
“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” — Erma Bombeck
“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.” — Joe E. Lewis
“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.” — Woody Allen
“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” — Fran Lebowitz
“Health food makes me sick.” — Calvin Trillin
“Watermelon — it’s a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.” — Enrico Caruso
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” — Robert Orben
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.😐
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Now, class…be quiet and pay attention! If I have to tell you one more time…’
ANSWER: Men in Black! This is said by Agent J’s grade school teacher, whom
the twins have brought up on the monitor and revealed as an alien.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘This house has many hearts.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Boy: Can I dig a hole?
Dad: Well sure, why not?
Boy: Can I climb a tree?
Dad: Yes, sir!
Boy: Can I jump off the roof?
Dad: Of course!
Boy: Can I fly in the sky?
Dad: Yes, son, you can!
Boy: Can I go into space?!
Dad: Erm. No, I’m sorry, son. You can’t do that.😎
ANSWER: The sky is the limit.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Your task is to find words that, after taking their first letters away, have related meanings.
Example: Behead an animal and leave an animal (FOX, OX).
1. Behead a musical instrument and leave a musical instrument.
2. Behead a margin and leave a margin.
3. Behead to liquefy and leave to liquefy.
4. Behead to ascend and leave to ascend.
5. Behead a proper name and leave a proper name.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/