Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, September 21, 2017.        
REALLY BAD PUNOGRAPHY…..
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked.
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body? A: He is all right now.
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
I got fired from Yankee candle factory because I refused to work wick ends!
A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right, but I didn’t know her first name was “Always”.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.
This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say,
“I wear two pants when’s I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“Target announced that it will hire 100,000 seasonal employees during the holidays.
Ten of them will be on the register; the rest will wander around saying,
‘I don’t work in this department.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“California Gov. Jerry Brown is working on a plan to build two tunnels that will bring
water to Southern California. Of course, it’s California, so one tunnel is for flat water,
the other sparkling with lime.” -Conan O’Brien
“McDonald’s is unveiling something called a Nutella burger at its locations in Italy. This
goes against the traditional way of eating Nutella, which is with two fingers in the
dark while crying at 3 a.m.” -James Corden
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
At a boat rental concession, the manager went to the lake’s edge and yelled through his megaphone, “Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up.” Several minutes passed, but the boat didn’t return. “Boat number 99,” he again hollered, “return to the dock immediately or I’ll have to charge you overtime.”
“Something is wrong here, boss,” his assistant said. “We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99.”
The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega-phone: “Boat number 66,” he yelled. “Are you having trouble out there?”😐😱
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘What if you were unable to wake from that dream?’
ANSWER: The Matrix! This was said by Morpheus before Neo was unplugged from
the Matrix. He goes on to say, ‘How would you know the dream from reality?’ 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Watch carefully, and I will show you how to kill a god.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
Can you decipher this?
Monday
100 Pennies
Tuesday
4 quarters
Wednesday
10 dimes
Thursday
20 nickels
ANSWER: Another day, another dollar.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are incomplete words. Place three (3) letters in each bracket so
that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.
acc (_ _ _) r
urg (_ _ _) ity
fas (_ _ _) acity
dunga (_ _ _) ling
fe (_ _ _) satile
gos (_ _ _) ping
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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