WELCOME to Friday, September 29, 2017.
Really Bad Weekend Punography….
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
How did two oceans or seas become friends? Because they kept waving at each other.
To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
What is the most dangerous thing in your freezer? Ice is.
Sang the rainbow song in front of a police officer, got arrested for colourful language
There’s safety in Numbers, but I prefer Deuteronomy.
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!
Did you hear about the guy who choked on a pretzel? He was very salty.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory couldn’t park nowhere near the place.
Q: what did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack? A: “I need to axe you a question.”
I would make jokes about the sea, but they are too deep.
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.
“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
What was the barristas favourite part about being arrested? The mug shots.
What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.
I lost my paper towels, I think I need a bounty hunter.
What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time no sea.
Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.😐
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“I read that white giraffes were just caught on video for the first time ever. Researchers
knew that they were white, cuz they were drinking pumpkin spice lattes.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The Italian restaurant chain ‘Villa Italian Kitchen’ is adding a new pumpkin spice pizza to its menu. And if you like that, you’re gonna love Starbucks’ new Linguini Mocha.” -Seth Meyers
“More people have died taking selfies than have been killed by sharks. My policy is, you
should treat selfies like you treat drinking. Try not to do it alone, definitely don’t do it while you’re driving, and if you take more than two or three a day, you should probably seek help.” -James Corden
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a
program code that I didn’t know.
“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in
English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese,
I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”
He said he did and thanked me. The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘She left a message with my flatmate, whom I’ll strangle to death later.’
ANSWER: Notting Hill! The character who spoke this was talking about Spike,
his flatmate. Spike isn’t very intelligent.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Why? Why was I cursed with such idiot sisters?’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
The following four (4) clues are the definitions of words that have been jumbled below and turned into anagrams.
Your job is to correctly unravel the anagrams and then place them next to their proper definition. Good luck!
1. The formal activities conducted on some important public or state occasion.
2. Extremely funny.
3. Exhilarated or stupefied by, or as if by alcohol.
4. Causing serious thoughts, or a grave mood.
Hi! Our sail
Bare in diet
ANSWER: Anagrams: Hi! Our sail – Hilarious One mercy – Ceremony Melons – Solemn Bare in diet – Inebriated
Rearranged anagrams now placed next to their correct definition:
1. The formal activities conducted on some important public or state occasion – Ceremony
2. Extremely funny – Hilarious
3. Exhilarated or stupefied by, or as if by alcohol – Inebriated
4. Causing serious thoughts, or a grave mood – Solemn
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
PACK + KNIT + STAY + ELMO = KITE
THAW + FLIT + GNAT+ DIET = ?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/