WELCOME to Monday, October 2, 2017.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Last night, a Republican named Luther Strange lost Alabama Senate primary.
So now, ‘Luther Strange” will go back to his old job – a villain in a Batman comic.” -Jimmy Fallon
“In Boston, experts believe they have found Paul Revere’s outhouse and they say they
are excited to examine his fecal matter. These experts have been described as ‘single.'” -Conan O’Brien
“The Dallas Cowboys knelt before the national anthem as a protest, but then stood while it was being played. Their half-protest still upset many people. Conservatives immediately blasted the move, saying it disrespected the sacred minutes before the national anthem which are for using the restroom and buying nachos.” -James Corden
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
“How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous – of course I have never taken alcohol myself”
“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”
“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?”
“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will know”
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.
“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice
and says to the barman “… and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”
“Oh no! It’s not that drunk Nun again is it?”😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Why? Why was I cursed with such idiot sisters?’
ANSWER: Hocus Pocus! Winifred says this, exasperated at Mary and Sarah.
Sarah’s reply to this is: “Just lucky, I guess!”
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘That boy is our last hope…’ ‘No… there is another.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
PACK + KNIT + STAY + ELMO = KITE
THAW + FLIT + GNAT+ DIET = ?
ANSWER: WIND. Take the last letter of the first word, second to last letter of the second word, etc.
PacK + knIt + sTay + Elmo = KITE
ThaW + flIt + gNat + Diet = WIND.
MOnday’s Quizzler is……….
When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.
1. Shut -> Misplace; fail
2. Open -> Glass container
3. Unusual; lightly cooked -> They exist
4. Prevent from spoiling -> Holding back
5. Broken glass -> Unyielding
6. Dampen; cushion -> Frequent
7. One who leases -> Go into
8. Leave one’s country -> Move seasonally
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! NICE WORK KIM! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/